self discovery

Transitioning to Work at Home. Valuing It As Sanctuary and Who I Am

My little space of peace

It was literally written in the stars (and planets) that I’d come to value my home as my safe harbor. I say this because I have three planets in the sign of cancer. Beauty, comfort and a safe place to express myself fully is high on my list of self-care.

I wanted to share more about my transition from the corporate world to working from home in hopes it will help those feeling uneasy about the fact they may now be working from home while we learn to navigate these uncertain times. And who knows when we move through this time, it may be something others may want to put more permanently in place. I see so many advantages to this. And perhaps this is a time of reflection and re-evaluating what you really want moving forward.

It was in the early ’90s when I was making decent money working at a local resort. It was also during that time I thought my worth was dependent on showing I’d ‘made it.’ During that time I purchased a sportscar and made the payments myself from the money I’d earned. But it wasn’t long afterward that the joy of that faded.

Fast forward to 1999 and an angst inside me was growing stronger by the day. I wanted out of the corporate world. It just didn’t fit with what I was feeling. And just to be clear, I don’t have anything against working in the corporate world, it just became clear to me that this wasn’t where I was meant to be.

There was a part of me that was scared though to make a change. How would John and I make it without my income? He’d just started a construction business four years prior. But there was another part of me that was willing to do what it took to make the changes to work from home.

So I started slowly. I left my job at the resort and worked part-time for John’s construction business and part-time for another local construction business. Until I was let go a few short years later from the latter. I remember how devastated I was. Mortified is more like the word. I’ve always considered myself to have a strong work ethic, so this was a blow to my ego.

But it would turn out to be a blessing in disguise. While I still continued to work part-time for John, this niggle of not feeling fulfilled and not understanding why would eventually lead me to a life coach in 2005. Through that deep dive of exploration, I’d explore becoming a writer. And well, if you’ve followed me for some time, two children’s books later, many blog posts and newsletters written I was living the life of a writer.

It took me time to find my groove working from home. In the beginning, I had strict rules for myself. I had to stay in my office, or what I fondly call my writing cottage— a 10 x 12 space that John built for me— as if I were at a nine-to-five job. I’d be upset with myself if I wasn’t in my cottage by 9 am. 

What I’d come to realize over time that these were things that were conditioned into me. And I’d discover that this was really all about trusting myself. Working from home meant I was now entirely accountable for myself and that I was solely responsible for making sure I’d accomplish the tasks I’d set for myself.

From 2008-2012 I was working harder than I ever had in my life as I promoted my children’s books and along with my sidekick, my disabled dachshund, Frankie, who was in a wheelchair, we’d visit 400 schools and libraries, plus accomplish over 250 visits as a therapy dog team to local facilities.

And just as Frankie slowed down and then passed away in June of 2012, and I finished writing my first memoir, I was feeling strongly another transition occurring for myself. But again, as was my pattern, I ignored it. It being is that I no longer wanted to be out in the public eye in the way that I had been. I wanted to spend even more time at home.

When I finally faced up to the fact I needed to take a time-out I took the leap and made the decision to take a sabbatical for one month, perhaps two. As I mentioned in the intuitive oracle reading I recorded yesterday, the first two weeks of my sabbatical I about jumped out of my skin! It felt so uncomfortable moving from a fast pace to a pace of learning to just be and really listen to what my heart was trying to convey to me.

As I’d eventually share in my second memoir, journaling and using oracle cards to bring about new perspectives were two tools I used to help me as I moved from feeling anxious to find more peace within. I’ve never regretted that decision. It would end up being a beautiful time in my life, just like the experience I had with Frankie and the work we did all those years, too.

But what I’ve come to understand in times of uncertainty and those of transitional times, is to look for the gifts. There is a treasure hidden within if we take the time to really explore and be with it and not let fear take hold.

And I remember when a local TV station interviewed me at my writing cottage when all the rage was about ‘She Sheds,’ though in all honesty I never cared for the term. As with all things, there were some that find the concept of a space of one’s own as not necessary, but I was eager and passionate to express what my space has meant to me.

Being in the comfort of my home and my writing cottage has helped me grow beyond what I could have ever imagined for myself. It has been my soft landing of where I can feel free to be me. And the more I move deeper into this space of appreciating and loving myself for who I am, the more I can bring that out into the world in my own unique way.

So perhaps, just perhaps, there is something here that will be of value and to give thought to as we practice for at least another month this physical distancing and working from home. I’ve definitely found many gems with this and if this is speaking to your heart, I hope it will encourage you to find a way too. And if I can be of support for any transition you find yourself in, please feel free to reach out to me.

xo,

Barbara

 

Who Is a Wild Woman, Really?

Who Is a Wild Woman, Really?
Card from Mystical Shaman Oracle Deck

Hanging my fall wreath on my writing cottage door this past weekend, I smiled at how the Wild Woman card I purposely enlarged this summer, was now so beautifully embraced within the wreath.

This time of year is one in which I enjoy going within more often and the comfort and cozy feeling I get as the days grow darker, the winds begin to blow and the leaves gently begin their cascade down to the earth….and this, this is part of being a Wild Woman who follows the instinct not only when I need to retreat, but to also emerge again when it is time.

It also spoke to me again of the importance of embracing our Wild Woman – whatever that looks like, and is, for you.

Wild Woman continues to speak to me and while she can be deep and introspective, she is funny, sings a lot in the kitchen lately, and speaks up more these days. I’m really digging her!

This morning I posted this photo on Facebook of Gidget waiting patiently at John’s feet just waiting for a morsel to drop as he made his lunch for work.

A friend commented , “A husband who makes his own lunch. Wow! Lucky girl!” 

How interesting, I thought, as it led me down a path of more thoughts.

At first I chuckled at the statement, then felt happy that yes, he does make his lunch, and then thought, why shouldn’t he make his own lunch?

Now this isn’t to say if someone enjoys making their spouses lunch, by all means, that is great!

But it triggered something within me. It was that part of me who used to think I had to do these things – that it was my responsibility. And if I didn’t, I was somehow a bad wife.

And oh how long it’s taken me to stand in my own power and not feel guilty when I’d hear a statement like this. Am I lucky? Perhaps. But then I think about my relationship with John and how it has grown deeper because of not only my willingness to step more fully into who I really am over the years and express my needs, but also John’s openness in listening and understanding.

Not that we always agree. But it takes a gentle and strong man to honor the Wild Woman that walks beside him, just as the Wild Woman honors the man who walks beside her. Is it always easy? Nope. 

But I come back again to a word that continues to be part of so much of my life now and that is awareness – awareness in tapping into what feels right for each of us, and not what may have been conditioned into us.

And so this Wild Woman continues to walk in awareness of what feels right for her soul, while deeply appreciating and hugging as often she can, the man who embraces all of who she is. So yup, then I say, I am indeed lucky! And so is John.  🙂

XO,

Barb

Tasha Tudor – A Special Oracle of Mine

My “think and tinkle” station in my bathroom

As I began to write this post I thought about calling it “Think and Tinkle” and then thought with a grin, perhaps I could title it “Ponder and…” But as the day has unfolded, alas, the title I chose is much more in alignment with the message I want to share. And don’t mind me, I can have a silly sense of humor.

While I can be downright serious and a deep thinker, perhaps it’s something you don’t know about me, in that I do believe I have a pretty good sense of humor. I feel like I developed it being married to my quick-witted hubby, John, or perhaps I had it in me all along. Who knows? But I guess I kind of digress…

ANYways…seriously. It’s such a beautiful way to start off my day by randomly pulling a card from Mark’s inspirational deck, which sits on a small stand in my bathroom. The deck is The Book of Awakening, which by the way, is the same name of a book he wrote. If you’ve not read it, you might want to check it out if it calls to you. Now I’m wondering what Mark Nepo would think of my private pondering time on the commode with his card deck?  🙂

Today’s pull was, “Be Who You Are” and says, “You do not have to do anything to be loved, and being who you are does not let others down. This needs to be repeated, and often. Simply be who you are, and love what is before you.” 

There was a time when I would have read this and thought, but how do I do that? Missing the whole point that there is nothing to do, but to just be. And it was because I worried so much about judgement from other’s. But now I am so much better at living my life in the way that feels right for me.

But being this spiritual being in a human body with a mind and an ego that tries to sometimes convince me otherwise, the need for reminders through pondering moments such as today and Mark’s gorgeous and thought-provoking cards keeps me walking a journey of embracing all of who I am.

And was I ever tickled about a synchronicity that unveiled itself as the day went on that I saw in relation to this cards message!

Tasha Tudor in my favorite season of Fall

I received an email from Bob, an editor in Brattleboro, VT doing a story for their local newspaper, the Brattleboro Reformer, about author Tasha Tudor’s Advent calendar. As you likely know if you’ve been here with me awhile, I’m a devoted fan of Tasha’s, though she’s been gone since 2008. If you don’t know about her, just Google her name.

In doing some research, Bob came across a blog post I wrote in December 2012 about my dream vacation John and I took to Vermont around that same time. While I wrote many blog posts about our time in Vermont in the Fall, one post I’d shared two month’s later was about the advent calendar with Tasha’s simple, but endearing illustrations. I had purchased it from the museum in Brattleboro that honors Tasha’s memory and I had been truly enjoying opening a new little door of the calendar each day in anticipation of Christmas approaching.

Bob asked if I could chat a few minutes about what it is I love about Tasha and her advent calendar. I don’t know if he was prepared for the enthusiastic, bubbly gal he was going to have on the other end of the phone! But indeed, I was willing to talk to him as I could talk about my love for Tasha ALL. DAY. LONG.

After a delightful conversation sharing my love of all things Tasha with an emphasis on what appealed to me about the Advent calendar and how I loved Tasha’s philosophy of life in living by the beat of her own drum, I hung up the phone and the “Be Who You Are” card popped into my mind again.

Every day there are oracles for us if we pay attention – oracles that act as mirrors or reflections to help us along our path whether we are feeling challenged or as confirmation we are heading in the right direction. And while I continue to make strides forward with writing my third memoir, I’m Fine the Way I Am, I’ve had a few moments wondering how it will all turn out.

But as I was reminded with the card pull and Tasha as my oracle, to keep following the truth of my own heart as that is the only way to truly be.

XO,

Barb