simple life

Mourning Miss Marie’s Garden

Posted by Barbara Techel

In the late fall when I move my geranium plants indoors I think of my friend, Miss Marie. It was from her that I learned to do this. Soon I’ll have to cut them back, but for now, I’m enjoying the last of their blooms.

It will be two years ago in February, at the age of 72 that Marie passed away. Her white two-story house on the corner in the hub of our quaint downtown was sold to a gentleman who buys up homes in the area and rents them out to tenants.

It’s been sad to watch the changes to the property since then. Many of the shrubs have disappeared. Then this summer the black ornate wrought iron gate to the entrance of her house was taken down. Before I became friends with Marie, I’d often think of that gate as the entrance to a secret garden, and behind it, I was curious about the mysterious woman who lived inside.

Walking by what was once Marrie’s house is part of my morning route. Today as I rounded the corner I sensed something different once again. As I walked a little further I saw that the garden off to the side of the house was completely gone. Tears sprang to my eyes. It’s now covered over with gravel and has been made into a large parking area. Even the sidewalk that led from her back porch out to her art studio is gone.

The garden, with raspberry plants that leaned over the walkway, and how I’d often sneak a berry or two as I sauntered up the sidewalk to the back porch when I’d visited Marie were now gone too.

Tears filled my eyes and my heart ached for how Marie loved birds and the many that hung out in her garden (and stole the berries too!) who no longer have this special place to dwell. The stories we’d share of critters that often appeared at her home or mine — the toads, frogs, and the dragonflies, oh my (!) — and how we both took such great delight in these sightings.

It all felt so harsh. I could barely contain my sadness as I continued on my path home. Marie loved nature, flowers, books, and animals and was an artist that collaged fabric into the most exquisite designs – she had quite the eye for combining colors and patterns together!

I realized once again why my attraction to her all those years ago when I’d catch glimpses of her downtown or at the post office – and her eccentric style always fascinated me. She lived simply but also loved to indulge now and then in a few of the finer things of life, which she was able to do so with a depth of joy because of her frugalness. Somehow it just made those indulgences all the sweeter. I loved how her eyes lit up and her whole body came alive in excitement when she’d share with me the experience of something she had saved up to do.

For a moment I wanted to just stuff it all down and not feel the heaviness of it all. For a moment I wondered why I feel these things at this depth. I thought to myself that it was silly to be mourning a garden. For a moment I didn’t want to be the person who feels so deeply.

But it is who I am. I realized once again that just as I feel something like this so deeply I’m also able to experience great joy in things others may think seemingly ‘small.’ 

I realized also it’s the essence of Marie that is a part of who I am too and that I continue to strive to be. Nature, animals, art, books, and indulgences in the finer things now and then is what brings me joy too — and what makes me deeply appreciate life.

While I can’t bring back Marie’s garden, I can continue to carry on that very spirit of who she was and who I am too. In many ways, the steps I walk through this life, Marie walks with me and the mourning I experienced with the loss of her garden today was in fact my missing her here in this life.

But it strengthened my determination once again to live the principles that are in alignment with my heart — and the sorrow that had enveloped my heart for a time during my walk this morning is a beautiful thing. And before I knew it I found myself smiling at all the sweet and fun memories.

And this box that contains some gelato crayons that sits on my art table in my Joyful Pause Cottage. It was a box Marie gave to me one day that contained some chocolates inside.  I was just as excited about the box, as Marie was mid-sentence that she said to return it when the chocolates were gone, that she changed her mind and with a smile said to keep the box because she saw how happy it made me.

And I realized now looking at this box how it is a nudge from Marie to continue to experiment with the collage pieces I’ve been making and to continue to make art more a part of my life.

A moment of sadness that turned to sweet memories that turned to inspiration…

xo,

Barbara

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Coming Home to Our Inner Leader

Posted by Barbara Techel

I think St. Francis embodied the value of the inner journey and inner leader… 

For most of my life, I feared the word leadership because I didn’t feel like a leader and it conjured up ideas of materialism and doing what you had to do at all costs to reach the ‘top of the ladder.’ Quite opposite of the simple life I truly love.

During the recent Animal Wisdom World Summit host, Dr. Cara Gubbins asked each speaker their thoughts on being a leader and what it is we need in terms of leadership for our world today.

It’s definitely a subject that conjures up many of us things we wish to see changed. But it’s also a call to look at ways in which we can become our own leader within. 

Some thoughts that came from some of the speakers about leadership were:

  • Embrace our own inner leader and remember we aren’t alone. ~Tammy Billups
  • There are different kinds of leaders and this is what we need, along with understanding that not all leaders need to be human. ~Nancy Windheart
  • We need to embrace nature as part of our team. ~Maia Kincaid

I was especially touched by Nancy sharing that not all leaders need to be human. In my life, it’s been dogs and animals in the wild that have been some of my greatest teachers encouraging me to trust my inner leader.

Being a leader can indeed at times feel like we are alone because when we begin to step into who we are others may not like it.

But I’ve found that the more I embrace my inner leader, the more like-minded souls come into my world. This strengthens my well-being and gives me the courage to keep being who I am.

I enjoyed Maia sharing that we need to embrace nature as part of our team. Nature is such a perfect example of leadership that does not force but follows the rhythm of natural laws and a way of being that is kinder and gentler to body, mind, and spirit.

During my interview with Cara, she asked me if I saw myself as a leader. It took me a few moments to answer because many emotions overcame me.

It took me until 55 years old to finally see myself in this way, which was only two short years ago. At times it can still feel fresh and surreal as I continue to embody this way of being. 

But I know now that being a leader is about being who I authentically am. Whether in a ‘big’ or ‘small’  way it’s about living from my true self for the sake of being that vibration in a world that so desperately needs for each of us to truly embrace who we are.

I paused before answering Cara’s question as I thought about all those that still don’t yet feel worthy and those that doubt their own inner leader. I know how painful and vulnerable this can feel. It was with great joy to declare that I AM a leader!

Despite any wounding from our past which can keep us stuck in believing we can’t be a leader, I hope I was able to instill in others through my voice and story, that they are worthy and can indeed live by the beat of their own drum.

Can you imagine the world if we all embraced our inner leader? It sends chill bumps up and down my spine just thinking about it. What a beautiful world it would be! This time we are going through, on our way to a New Earth, is one in which I hope we can continue to build upon the fact that we now more than ever is the time to embrace your inner leader.

So how do we begin to do this? 

I believe it’s by doing the inner work, just as I’ve so often shared over the years here in my letters, my blog, and in my memoirs.

I believe it’s about understanding our pain and opening to the gifts in what we’ve gone through as that which has given us a strength we’d not possibly have had.

It’s about reaching out for support in working through those things we feel fear around so we can rest in a more peaceful space within ourselves.

The more I continue to do my own inner work, the more I’m able to stay rooted in who I know I am. The more I do this the more I have compassion for myself and for those around me. The more I love and respect myself, the more I want to continue to be the leader of my life.

I also believe that being the leader of our lives is about feeling all of life – even when it’s hard. Do I do this 100% all the time? No, I don’t. But being a leader I believe,  also means not judging ourselves and trusting we will take what we’ve learned and do better next time.

And as speaker Dawn Brunke shared, “Everything is going to be okay. This is about evolution.”

Evolution individually, and as a collective, for a more peaceful world.

xo,

Barbara 

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The Ordinary Life

Posted by Barbara Techel

I can’t remember the name of this flower, but this stem — is the last of what is left of an annual now gone for the season.

I was attracted to them in early spring while visiting a local nursery. They looked so old-fashioned and like something you’d find in an English garden.

I have several small bud vases I’ve collected over the years. They dot my kitchen windowsill just for the purpose of collecting treasures I pick from my gardens in the summer months.

It was late afternoon on Sunday when I placed the single stem in the vase. I then placed it next to this framed photo of a favorite author of mine and someone I consider a mentor, even though she died in 2008, Tasha Tudor.

I’ve mentioned here before how I appreciate when I first heard Tasha say, “I don’t believe in hurry.”

It has become my mantra. Though at times I forget. It’s why I have a reminder on my windowsill.

Such an ordinary thing of creating this vision of loveliness upon my windowsill.

It filled my heart with complete and utter joy.

So many more of these moments I wish to make up my days.

My mind drifted to wondering…

When did we lose sight of the ordinary? How did we become consumed with wanting more?

What ache were we trying to fill?

When all along it was right here in front of us and within the space of ordinary life.

But we were too busy running here and there, chasing after this and that.

Ordinary life is about resting longer in the pause.

The in-between that by default offers to us, without any effort on our part, what’s really important.

xo,

Barbara