vulnerability

One of the Reasons Why I Write. Thank you, Alexa.

Posted by Barbara Techel
This butterfly that came to eat reminded me to enjoy the sweetness of creativity for the sake of expression no matter what.

When I first began writing back in 2006, I wrote mostly about the human-animal bond. I wrote to share my love of animals and the wisdom they brought me, and will continue to do so, though my writing has broadened over the years.

When I wrote and published my first two children’s books, I was on a mission to help others see paralyzed dogs in a new way – not out of pity – but one in which understanding they could live a quality of life and in a wheelchair if need be, just like my dachshund Frankie was doing at the time. Along with that, I saw that Frankie could be a positive example to children and adults and guide them to see their challenges in a new light.

Much of that focus was about getting the word out and involved much marketing on my part. While I cringed at the thought of marketing in previous work I’d done, this was different, and came from a passion of what I felt was my calling to share at that time.

When Frankie died and then my next dachshund died a few short months later, I knew in my heart I was in transition. Oftentimes I felt lost. My writing then became more about me expressing myself to help me work through the challenges I was going through.

It became clear that this is something I was meant to expand into and understanding that in transitional moments in one’s life there are often gifts within them. Though not always necessarily easy to see when in the thick of it.

How often I struggled with my identity, afraid to let go of what many have come to see me as in the paralyzed and wheelchair dog world, being an advocate, but also knowing I was evolving. While I didn’t always share the difficulties of some of the inner struggles I faced, I knew I had to keep writing – even if just here on my blog – and no one else was reading my thoughts.

But also in being honest, there are times I have wondered, Is anyone out there? Am I having an impact like I did with Frankie? Are other’s reading what I’ve written? Does it resonate with anyone?

But yet, I had to keep writing, even if just for me. So often it was, and continues to be, my way of expressing how I feel. In a world that is noisy and one where truly we all just wish to be heard, I know my writing has served me well in this way. I’m grateful for the self-expression and grateful for how this medium has helped me grow in so many ways.

I continue to make progress on the new memoir I’m working on (YAY!). What is interesting is that this is the first book I’m putting so much less pressure on myself than in the past. I’m also writing in a way I’d not done before. This time, I’m just dumping out everything on the page. In the past my perfectionist would kick in and I’d stop to edit or re-work sections. Though I sometimes still catch myself wanting to do this, I forge ahead reminding myself it can wait. I’m also not overly concerned with who my audience is right now either, even though you’ll hear via the industry standard this isn’t the “right” way to do this.

But trusting what feels right to my process is what I’m leaning into.  I trust also it will all take shape when I begin to sift the words and sentences in a more defined way after the first draft is complete. While I had concerns about who my audience has been in the past, and that they may not be the same with this book, I’m at a much more peaceful place about that now too.

And then this morning I read this beautiful comment from reader, Alexa, in response to what I wrote about yesterday on my blog …and I lit up from the inside out, because this…this is the woman…like me…who I write to…

Learning to feel safe to opening my heart when in therapy. Until a couple of months ago, whenever i talked about childhood hurts it was without feeling. like i was reading the back of a cereal box.

Now I cry sometimes as I truly connect with the child I was. I’m learning to give comfort and love to the little girl I was. It’s like the adult me is reaching out to my child self. I feel as though I am passing thru from one place to another. For the first time ever I trust myself to feel the pain instead of burying it or just muddling thru. I can say I’m strong enough and know deeply that I am.

Barb..your blog means so much to me. Your willingness to share. to be true to your self. I don’t know the why of it or how to put it into words but thru reading your words over the passage of time, I have been expanding,opening. I just hadn’t realized it until I cried during a therapy session. Healing tears. reading your words, your journey, I have been beginning my own.

While I began to express myself to make a difference and be heard, there came a point when I knew I had to keep writing even if just for me. But when this happens and I’ve touched a chord in someone else, like I did Alexa, well then, this is sweet, delicious, icing on the cake…and feeds my soul to keep going with my book on those days when I am not so sure and those pesky doubts try to creep in.

So thank you, Alexa, and all of you who continue to walk this ever-evolving transformational journey with me.

XO,

Barbara

Being Open to Unexpected Messengers that Cross Your Path

Posted by Barbara Techel
Being Open to Unexpected Messengers that Cross Your Path
Some of my writing companions when home in my Zen writing cottage

I had time to kill between an early morning meeting Tuesday at a coffeehouse before my scheduled talk with a book club two and half hours later at the same place.

Taking advantage of getting some writing done away from home I settled into a spot with my laptop on a small table and looking out over the river. The winds were howling and leaves danced outside the large glass windows as I held a hot cup of orange blossom tea to warm my hands and insides.

As much as I wanted to work on my book, Wisdom Found in the Pause, I found myself procrastinating. It was also my 31st wedding anniversary and I was feeling the pull to write a blog post about it – a thought having just flickered across my mind.

I honored my impulse and after sharing my post on Facebook, I got caught up in what else was happening in the world according to Facebook.

A few moments later I looked up to see a gentleman I know coming down the stairs from the loft that is part of the quaint coffeehouse.

I waved and he walked over. We chatted a few moments about life in general and he asked me if John was busy with his construction business. He then asked me if I was working on a new book. I told him, that yes, I am.

While I don’t know him all that well, the few times I’ve had the pleasure of talking with him, he is one of those people who really listens when someone talks. I’ve just always sensed that in him and it’s such a gift.

I shared with him how it is two years this month since I began, taking me longer to finish than my other books have.

He said, “Well, I imagine, writing the way you do, sharing your feelings and thoughts which are so personal, it can’t always be easy and takes time to work through.”

I swear he was reading my mind as this has been how I’ve felt writing this book, even more so than my first memoir.

He offered the advice that he felt this was likely part of the process as a way in which I worked – getting comfortable in writing what I have and getting ready to feel comfortable in releasing it for others to read.

He was spot on. As I’ve written recently here I’m understanding more about my own process and getting comfortable in what is right for me – not necessarily how others may write or publish – but how it fits for me.

I also often revisit why I write. While yes, I never want to lose money publishing, and of course, as most people who write a book would like to make a little money from sales, I write because it is how I process things.

If what I write can help another person, well, that is what makes my work most fulfilling and rewarding. When this occurs, it lights me up inside to keep on going.

After we said our goodbyes and he walked away, I found I could hardly wait to open the folder on my laptop that contains my manuscript.

I realized then that he was a messenger sent to encourage me. And in doing so my procrastinator had no choice but to get up and move on.

His words of wisdom soothed this writers heart and were just what I needed to get my fingers flying across the keyboard once again.

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Writing and publishing can oftentimes feel vulnerable, which I see now as part of the process — and part of life no matter what. I’m honored to share a piece I wrote called “Vulnerability: A Gift to be Embraced” published on this month on a wonderful site, Rumblstrips.

Thank you for subscribing to my journal posts.

The Courage it Takes to be in the Public Eye.

Posted by Barbara Techel

IMG_2030This was the view out my writing cottage window this morning. Yup, that is snow you see on the ground. I thought the tulip lamp against the snow background was an interesting photo. I’m wishing we could actually see tulips blooming instead of another blanket of snow – but it isn’t expected to last long, and already starting to melt. Today we tough Wisconsin birds carry spring in our hearts once again.

Yesterday afternoon John and I went to our local art theater where they performed a series of skits from the Carol Burnett Show. I really enjoyed it and thought the cast did a good job. They did about 15 different skits – not an easy task to accomplish.

Afterwards we ate at a local restaurant. The owner had been in the audience at the theater so I asked how she enjoyed the performance. She scrunched her face is disapproval, but was too busy to stop and chat.

It made me think about writing. We can’t please everyone. There are always going to be critics. Constructive criticism is helpful and needed, but many times in this day and age with the internet and hiding behind computers, people can say some pretty nasty things.

Earlier yesterday I listened to best selling author Dani Shapiro doing an interview on a podcast. She has been writing for over 20 years with eight books to her name. Her latest, one of my now favorite books on writing, called Still Writing.

She talked about the very fact that she never reads her reviews — good or bad. She knows she isn’t going to make everyone happy. She also talked about the courage it takes for those in the public eye and putting themselves out there. It’s not easy. But if you know you are doing your best, and you share your story in hopes you can help others, than that is what you do. You can’t cave into the critics.

I thought about this not only in regards to my own writing having myself “out there,” but also those volunteer actors I watched yesterday afternoon. I was in a few plays in my lifetime also and I understand the commitment  that goes into it.

For the most part, I believe most people in the art world put their hearts and souls into their work. It is who they are. It is what makes them breathe. And while there will be critics, I also think it speaks to perfectionism in our world. Art is not perfect – whether writing, painting, acting – it is all a work in progress, just as the person creating it.

While I can’t speak for any of the actors last night, or other artists or writers, I can say I write to try and make a difference in this world. I will not be perfect in my writing, grammar, or punctuation. But you know what? I genuinely care and try. Many times I stick my heart out on the line knowing someone may not agree with me or may criticize me.

But you know something else?  It has made me grow and evolve as a human being —and I continue to grow which I am so grateful for. Writing each day whether on my new book, my blog posts, or for an article, it’s another opportunity for me to say what is in my heart and to speak my truth. It helps me to appreciate my vulnerability and to see it yet again as a gift.

Being an actor on a stage, especially local in front of so many peers, is what I find courageous. The Carol Burnett Show was a top notch one-of-a-kind show never to be duplicated ever again. But they performed for the love of performing, for bringing back sweet memories for the audience, to connect with the audience heart’s. I felt that.

There will always be critics and many have stomped out the spirit of a writer, actor, or artist which I find incredibly sad. Art, like life, is not perfect. But it is in the creating that I believe we are here for.

To all the writers, actors, and artists that put themselves out there each and every day, I say bravo and thank you! It paves the way for more to step forward to be who they authentically are and live from the center of their creativity which I believe is vital to our world.