writing life

Accepting My Writing Process. What a Revelation.

Posted by Barbara Techel
Accepting My Writing Process. What a Revelation.
Gidget my ever faithful writing muse

This writing thing and my own process has taken me just about ten years to be comfortable with. While I love to write, I was always looking for thee method that would make me feel like a real writer.

You know… those you put on a pedestal and think they lead this all so glamorous life and their writing flows out the end of their fingertips with no effort what-so-ever?

When I began sharing my writing with others, first via a column in a local paper, then my blog, and four books that have followed, I got caught up in trying to find the right way to do this and the one that would make it feel effortless.

I’ve read oodles of blogs, articles, and books about the creative process. Oftentimes I’d follow the advice of one author or another thinking this was it – this was thee way. But it would fall to the way side eventually. Nothing stuck.

But I kept at it, and I keep at it. What does my process look like? More importantly, what does it feel like? It’s messy and it causes lots of ups and downs of a roller coaster of emotions in my life!

But I’m not quitting.

As I near the end of the fourth draft of my second memoir, Wisdom Found in the Pause, I see that writing for me is so much about working through my own time and my own process. In other words, I gave up trying to buy into what others are doing that works for them.

It has nothing to do with how other writers write or their own process. There truly is no right or wrong way to do this.

The only way is to keep working at it. Keep trying it on for size.

I realized today that I started working on my current manuscript two years ago this month. And for many of those 730 days I found myself internally beating myself up wondering why I don’t yet have a published book.

Today I cut myself a huge piece of slack cake! Because I really understand now that this book wasn’t meant to be born yet. I see it so clearly as I continue to revisit and edit what I’ve written to date.

In large part, I’ve been working through my own inner process of healing and capturing in my everyday life what I’ve learned from the over 55,000 words I’ve written so far. It’s taken me this time to do just that.

But I’ve never stopped writing.

That’s the thing. Writing helps me to process life. To process what I’m feeling. To help me heal. To bring me to another level of awareness. To get comfortable with where I was, and where I’m going, and then share what I’ve discovered with others when that right time feels right for me.

What a new level of awakening this is for me today and it feels pretty dang good. And I do think I shall have to post this particular post next to my writing desk for that day, which oh yes, will no doubt come again…when I question my own process….because it is part of the process of a creative life!

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Silence and Stillness. Crucial to Living a Meaningful Life.

Posted by Barbara Techel

silence

I ran across this quote this morning. It really spoke to me, especially as I continue to work on the fourth draft of my second memoir, Wisdom Found in the Pause.

This book, in part, about my paralyzed dachshund Joie and her short life with me ultimately led me to not wanting to write (or talk much) after she passed away. As someone who loved to write and share my passion about special needs dogs, this felt very odd and scary.

Taking a sabbatical from everything I had known and loved to do for the prior six years, from keeping up my blog, interacting with my audience on social media, writing books, and public speaking gigs for children and adults, to now plunge into what felt like nothingness felt like the scariest thing ever.

While it was true I was craving stillness, silence, and a slowing down, I was afraid to be with my own thoughts. I was afraid to hear and examine what I knew to be true – that I wanted to let go of a chapter in my life I had so enjoyed, which at the time really didn’t make sense. The scary part also was that I didn’t know where I wanted to go next.

And being in silence can seem daunting and overwhelming to face all those fears.

While I was very restless at the beginning of my sabbatical, oftentimes feeling like I wanted to jump right out of my own skin, I’m so glad I stuck with it.

It was in that silence and stillness that the gifts started to make themselves known…and where being in the presence of silence and making friends with it I could gain more clarity. Silence and stillness is now an ongoing practice in my life, even when I veer a bit far from it I hear that inner voice calling me back – to find balance.

I believe it is crucial to pay attention to it in order to live a meaningful life.

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Who Says it Has to Be this Way?

Posted by Barbara Techel

g and flowers e

Maybe it was the poem I read last night by Mary Oliver, What I Can Do that inspired me to follow my impulse today, which then led to another impulse to write this journal post.

I’ve been working on a writing project on and off since November 2013. Making more progress with it lately which has me feeling so alive and eager to greet each day.

This morning after finishing my ritual of standing in front of my mandala, reviewing my desires for the year and conditions I wish to live by, I then picked one of my SoulCollage cards from my deck, an angel card and then an animal card. I posed my question to the cards and found answers in them that lit me up inside.

This does not always happen and I have to search deeper for the meaning, but when it feels so right on and so clear, well, that to me, is magical… and inspiring.

I did my yoga practice and as I was moving through each pose I heard my inner voice suggest that after I was done I should go right to my writing desk and work on my writing project. It felt so freeing to think this. But then the other part of me, who is so conditioned to follow “rules” of which I’ve for the most part imposed on myself, showed up.

And the loop began, “You can’t write first. You have to first get ready for the day, put your make up on, curl your hair, eat your breakfast,” and on and on the list went of what I normally do – my normal routine.

Thank goodness my free will side was stronger today and it was having nothing of what my conditioned self was trying to tell me.

I fought back. “What do you mean I have to do those things first?  Who says? I want to write first. Who cares if my hair isn’t curled or I don’t have make up on. Really, does that matter?  I want to follow this impulse and see where it goes.”

I was challenging that part of myself that has to always have things in a neat orderly fashion and it felt incredibly liberating to know I was going to follow through on what was calling me to do.

And I did it. I rolled up my yoga mat and immediately plunked my butt in my chair. My fingers flew across the keyboard, much like they are right now, eager to share my voice with the page.

There are so many “rules” and how society says we should live our lives that our inner voice gets lost in all the noise. I don’t want to live like that. I want a life that is meaningful to me. One that matters most to me.

What I can do is follow the path that is right for me. What I can do is live from the heart and center of who I am. What I can do is be an example of what it means to follow our impulses and see where it can lead us.

While there may not be fireworks going off in the sky announcing that yes, Barbara Techel, just went against the “rules,” and followed what felt right to her, I must say that there a is a welcome and warm fire burning inside of me that feels delicious.

That flow of life, that when you are in it, you never want it to leave. But I won’t worry about that now. Because what I can do is ride this wave. Enjoy it. Savor it. Recall it when I need for next time my conditioned self tries to win a battle.

What I can do is life by my own inner light of desires.

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Though it is expected to be well below average in temps this week and another blast of cold air on it’s way Wednesday and Thursday, what I can do is think Spring — and so the photo of Gidget above I share from last summer after a successful day shopping at our local Farmer’s Market.

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