writing

Staying the (Writing) Course. A Book is a lot Like Life.

2014-04-22 11.00.44 eLil’ G looking deep in thought today.

Just a few weeks ago, I had an idea for a blog post that writing is so much like life. It’s got many ups and downs and many twists and turns. I jotted the idea down to write about this, but then never did get around to it. Until today, when I read author, Dani Shapiro’s blog post, “On the Long Haul.”

She wrote, “A book is a lot like life.  You never know what’s around the corner.  You never know when it’s going to up and change on you.  You can’t predict the outcome.”

Yesterday, I was having a day where I just didn’t want to  work on the book I’m currently writing,  Joie’s Gift. Back and forth I went in my head saying that I should write. Write anything. Write something. Then I’d find myself being defiant and silently saying, But I don’t want to. I don’t have to if I don’t want to.

I also knew that at the end of the day I wouldn’t like myself much for not writing. But I didn’t care. But you know what else I knew? That I’d come back to my writing again. I know this about myself now. I will come back when it feels right. I also know that I have to live with the consequences of how I feel when I don’t write. I also know that when I do write, I feel better. I. always. do.

Yesterday I was willing to accept that I wouldn’t feel totally like me because I didn’t write. But that was okay.

Dani goes on to to say in her post, “My inner life is an inaccessible landscape when I’m not writing, a foreign and unfamiliar place.  It doesn’t feel dangerous so much as remote.  I don’t know any other way to get there.  The pen lights the way for me – it has always been my only source of illumination.  But the further away I drift from the page, the harder it is to get back.”

Today I wrote more for my book. I feel good. Actually, I feel great! But I also know another day will come when I don’t want to write. Another moment will come where I say what I am writing won’t matter in the world. I’ll wonder why I’m writing this book. I’ll think about how dumb it is. Will anyone care?

As much as I sometimes wish I didn’t have those feelings run through me, I own that they do. They aren’t always pretty. Writing and life isn’t always pretty or perfect. But when those moments of happiness come because I wrote, I soak it in. I give thanks for it.

It’s also reassuring to me that someone who is a best seller, having written eight books, goes through so many of the same things. This. is. normal.

Dani has been traveling quite a bit the last few months, teaching writing workshops, and now ready to get back to her writing life and wrote, “It’s time.  Time to close the door.  To begin to cultivate the patience and blind faith once more.  Time to be fearless and reckless, to pick up that pen and watch the light stream out of it.  Here, it will point the way.  Here, remember?  This is who you are.”

“This is who you are” brings a wave of emotions for me. It is in the creating that I feel alive. I know this to be true of most who create and the tug and pull we feel when we aren’t in that place. Just as in life, when it is chaotic and stressful, we yearn to find our way back to our center.

And if we stay the course, accepting the ebb and flow, this is what makes it all worth while.

The Courage it Takes to be in the Public Eye.

IMG_2030This was the view out my writing cottage window this morning. Yup, that is snow you see on the ground. I thought the tulip lamp against the snow background was an interesting photo. I’m wishing we could actually see tulips blooming instead of another blanket of snow – but it isn’t expected to last long, and already starting to melt. Today we tough Wisconsin birds carry spring in our hearts once again.

Yesterday afternoon John and I went to our local art theater where they performed a series of skits from the Carol Burnett Show. I really enjoyed it and thought the cast did a good job. They did about 15 different skits – not an easy task to accomplish.

Afterwards we ate at a local restaurant. The owner had been in the audience at the theater so I asked how she enjoyed the performance. She scrunched her face is disapproval, but was too busy to stop and chat.

It made me think about writing. We can’t please everyone. There are always going to be critics. Constructive criticism is helpful and needed, but many times in this day and age with the internet and hiding behind computers, people can say some pretty nasty things.

Earlier yesterday I listened to best selling author Dani Shapiro doing an interview on a podcast. She has been writing for over 20 years with eight books to her name. Her latest, one of my now favorite books on writing, called Still Writing.

She talked about the very fact that she never reads her reviews — good or bad. She knows she isn’t going to make everyone happy. She also talked about the courage it takes for those in the public eye and putting themselves out there. It’s not easy. But if you know you are doing your best, and you share your story in hopes you can help others, than that is what you do. You can’t cave into the critics.

I thought about this not only in regards to my own writing having myself “out there,” but also those volunteer actors I watched yesterday afternoon. I was in a few plays in my lifetime also and I understand the commitment  that goes into it.

For the most part, I believe most people in the art world put their hearts and souls into their work. It is who they are. It is what makes them breathe. And while there will be critics, I also think it speaks to perfectionism in our world. Art is not perfect – whether writing, painting, acting – it is all a work in progress, just as the person creating it.

While I can’t speak for any of the actors last night, or other artists or writers, I can say I write to try and make a difference in this world. I will not be perfect in my writing, grammar, or punctuation. But you know what? I genuinely care and try. Many times I stick my heart out on the line knowing someone may not agree with me or may criticize me.

But you know something else?  It has made me grow and evolve as a human being —and I continue to grow which I am so grateful for. Writing each day whether on my new book, my blog posts, or for an article, it’s another opportunity for me to say what is in my heart and to speak my truth. It helps me to appreciate my vulnerability and to see it yet again as a gift.

Being an actor on a stage, especially local in front of so many peers, is what I find courageous. The Carol Burnett Show was a top notch one-of-a-kind show never to be duplicated ever again. But they performed for the love of performing, for bringing back sweet memories for the audience, to connect with the audience heart’s. I felt that.

There will always be critics and many have stomped out the spirit of a writer, actor, or artist which I find incredibly sad. Art, like life, is not perfect. But it is in the creating that I believe we are here for.

To all the writers, actors, and artists that put themselves out there each and every day, I say bravo and thank you! It paves the way for more to step forward to be who they authentically are and live from the center of their creativity which I believe is vital to our world.

Buddha Dog Welcomes You.

2014-03-05 10.57.33 1200

Buddha dog posing in front of my zen table.  My friend, Cassy, after visiting with me this week said maybe I should rename my writing cottage, my zen cottage.  Since I’m now incorporating yoga, meditating and writing here in my cozy 10 x 12 space, I think she has something here. I shall now call this happy place my Zen Writing Cottage with Gidget the Buddha Dog. Might just attract many spiritual seekers from far and wide!