Frankie, June 20th, 2012

The day before Frankie’s passing I called my friend, Mary to tell her that I thought I had a very hard decision to make soon in letting Frankie go.  Almost immediately she said, “You need to call Dawn.”

I didn’t expect for her to say that. I said, “Who is Dawn?”

“She’s a friend of mine and she is an animal communicator.”

I’ve had readings done in the past for my chocolate lab, Cassie Jo who passed away in 2005, as well as for my yellow lab, Kylie, so I was familiar with the power of what can be discovered through animal communication.

It didn’t occur to me to do this with Frankie.  What a gift my friend gave me in making this suggestion.

Dawn Brunke  has published several books about animal voices, animals as our guides and animal teachings.

I  called her as soon as I hung up with Mary. When she answered I explained to her that Mary referred me and explained my distress. She was in the middle of a big book production project, but dropped everything to help me. She said, “Send me three recent photos of Frankie, and one recent one of the two of you.  Call me back in an hour.”

As Frankie lay on the ottoman, I sat in my big wicker chair across from her as I dialed the phone an hour later.

Dawns’ soft voice answered, “Hi Barb.”  My voice shaking I said, “Hi Dawn.”

She said, “I want to share with you first what Frankie is telling me to tell you. We can then move into any questions you may have for her.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Frankie told me loud and clear that you two are a team. There is a very deep love between the two of you. Frankie says that there has been an evolution of equality between the two of you. She is reaffirming that what you gave her is equal to what she gave you.”

She continued, “What I’m getting from Frankie is that she was a channel of healing energy for you- that there was much below the surface for you that needed healing.” When Dawn said this it brought me to tears. Nothing could be more true– this is one of Frankie’s biggest gifts to me is helping me heal the feelings of failure and inadequacies I’ve felt about myself over the years.

Dawn said, “How old is Frankie?”

“She will be 13 years old on August 20th.”

“Oh, well she says she feels like she is 17. Meaning she has lived a very full life.” When Dawn said this it actually brought me some comfort. I had so wanted for Frankie to live to be at least 16, 17 or 18.  So in a way, she really did.

Dawn said, “Frankie does not want you to blame yourself for what seems so sudden with her illness.  She has felt this tiredness coming on for a long time, but never showed it to you because she was invested in your feelings.”  Again, the tears ran down my cheeks to think of all this little girl did for me.

“She’s now telling me that she really started to enjoy more the presentations you did together.  She said that you learned to go with the flow and she liked that.  At the beginning you used to be too controlling.”  Wow, that could have not been more true and I couldn’t believe Frankie told Dawn that– no one but Frankie and I would have known this– it was very true and it make me chuckle.  Public speaking is a hard thing to do and I remember how nervous I was at the beginning, and being an organized person to begin with, I was quite controlling, wanting everything to go perfectly. But as I moved into the groove of speaking to audiences, I learned to relax and just be me.

Dawn said, “Frankie says you are a real go-getter and that she often fed off of your high energy.  Frankie stayed longer than she had planned, but that her life was better than she could have ever imagined.”

Dawn also told me that she felt that Frankie gave me a deeper and softening of my heart- helping me to not be so controlling of situations- and deepening my compassion not only for animals, but for people as well.  I must say, that yes, I do agree with that, too.  Frankie taught me all that and more.

Dawn then shared with me that things are winding down with Frankie. Though they were words I feared hearing, I knew it in my heart already in the wee early morning of Wednesday that Frankie was ready to move on.  Every time I’d glance over at Frankie overnight Tuesday, her head was held up, and she did not sleep. It was as if she was not here.  Dawn affirmed that Frankie was floating in and out of being here on earth and wanting to move on.  I clearly sensed that as we moved through the day on Wednesday that she was letting go– I could see it in her eyes. I knew. I just knew.

Dawn said, “I don’t sense a need of urgency in making a decision whether to help Frankie or she may also just go on her own. But what Frankie wants is what is right for you- whatever you need to do.”  Through the tears I knew this, too. There was such an incredibly deep bond between us- how could I have not known?

I thanked Dawn for dropping everything to help me.  She thanked me for allowing her to be a part of Frankie’s journey.

As I hung up the phone I cried like I’ve never cried before— not only out of deep sadness, but also out of realizing how incredibly lucky I was that I traveled the most amazing journey with Frankie.

I’ve often said that I have no doubt that the past six years with Frankie and all we did and learned together was meant to be– even if I do nothing else in my life– this is what I was brought here to do during the time that we did.  And I also know, though my heart felt like it would literally crumble all around me, that I did the right thing for her at the end. We so often fear death, but if we can be present to it and be open to the gifts…. there are many… and I feel so privileged to have witnessed many gifts near the end of Frankie’s earthly journey… and the gifts continue to come.