Letting Go of this One Word Could Just Possibly Improve Your Life.

Posted by Barbara Techel

IMG_0547

Expectations are disappointments under construction. – Joan Anderson

Image a world where we didn’t have expectations? I truly believe it would be a world with way fewer struggles. More acceptance of each other and happier souls walking this planet.

Ever notice when you go into a situation with expectations? How often are you disappointed? What if we just opened ourselves to possibilities instead of trying to control everything around us?

I can’t stop thinking about this quote ever since I read it in Joan’s newsletter yesterday. It really resonates with me. How many times I’ve caused myself angst because of how I expected something to turn out.  There are so many. But as a woman who is a work in progress, I am getting better at not disappointing myself.  Because I know I am to blame when this happens.

But being a woman in progress means I get to start fresh again the next time. I have a new opportunity to not set myself up for disappointment.

One example that came flying to the forefront of my mind was when Frankie became paralyzed. There was no other option in my mind of expectations but for her to walk again. I couldn’t fathom her having to live the rest of her life in a wheelchair. You know how much sadness and grief that caused me? But looking back on it today, I wouldn’t change a thing. I grew exponentially from that experience.

My expectations in this situation led me to becoming a better human being. I learned so much about myself in the process and changed in ways I never thought possible. So even though expectations can cause us great angst, I also think they can be wonderful opportunities to learn and to see that letting go of control will improve our well being.

Jackson and Frankie 1I would have never met Jackson, who also has special needs, if not for Frankie.  She positively effected the life of Jackson helping him feel better about himself.

What I appreciated that Joan shared also is that expectations are really our ego trying to get the best of us. We make expectations all about ourselves. We try to control circumstances so that we don’t have to face a fear we may have or so that we can remain happy in all situations.

That is what I did with Frankie, not wanting her initially to be in a wheelchair. It was because of how I felt I would be judged. How I worried that others may think I was cruel for putting my dog in a wheelchair. My own insecurity about myself and my self image played huge into this equation.

Thankfully, as many of you know who have followed my blog since Frankie, I came to my senses. This was about a sweet, gentle creature who needed my help and deserved to live a happy, quality life. Throwing my expectations out the window opened up a path for me that I never planned or saw coming. What a ride it was and I’m so grateful.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAIf I had stayed in the place of expectations, not accepting Frankie needed a wheelchair, I would have never met all the wonderful kids I did. Thousands of kids are now part of my heart forever.

According to USA Today I am Not Living the American Dream.

Posted by Barbara Techel

gardenBlogger, Joshua Becker, shared his thoughts about an article published in USA Today recently about what the American Dream now costs. Ready for it? $130,000/year to attain. He went on to quote from the article that based on those figures only 1 in 8 families are actually living the dream.

As Joshua said, “Yours truly excluded.”  Well, count me in too, as it certainly does not include me. Far, far, far from it. You can read more here about how unfortunate Joshua finds this article.

If it weren’t for where I am in my spiritual and self development, this would have devastated me to read this. I would have felt like a failure. I would have questioned what I am doing wrong. I also can’t help but think what it takes to maintain that American Dream. What would I have to give up to make that happen?

But who defined this as the American Dream? Where did we lose our way? It wasn’t always this way. We have lost sight of what is truly important in many ways. Though I also see the light becoming brighter as more people seem to be becoming enlightened to a way of life that does not require such a huge price tag.

I especially like what Joshua said in that as Americans, free to pursue happiness, we get to decide how we define that happiness. Those that define it as the article states are free to do so, but those of us who define it with less material possessions should have that right too.

The other part of this that bothers me is what it is teaching our younger generation. That if they are not living the $130,000 American Dream they are viewed as not worthy? Whether they currently aren’t living “the dream” or will soon go out into the world on their own with this incredible pressure instead of exploring what it is that makes their hearts happy. How do we instill in them to not give into what society defines as “successful?”

I tried to attain the American Dream at one time in my life, and I was unhappy. Now I have a car that is 14 years old, I’ve been living in the same house for 27 years, and my wardrobe is mostly from second hand shops. I make different choices, that is all. I am not living the American Dream, yet I am happy. I guess it goes to show you that you can’t always believe everything you read. But you can pause and take note of what it is that truly makes your heart happy and follow its lead.

Fitting in Snuggle Time and Meditation Makes Life All the More Sweeter.

Posted by Barbara Techel

IMG_2082 12Cassy and Lil’ G getting in a little snuggle time

Our friend, Cassy spent the day with us on the 4th. Mini golf, lunch at a local restaurant on the water, and then topped off with watching the fireworks on the boat of Cassy’s friend. In between all the fun, John and I also managed to get in a nap. Gidget also found some time to snuggle with Cassy. I love this photo of the two of them.

Yesterday we went to our small town parade. The weather was just right with a nice breeze compared to a few years in a row where it was so humid. Then John and I hopped in the car and drove about 30 minutes to a nearby restaurant on the water front for a bite of lunch.

It was a lovely weekend and I enjoyed every moment. But as I got back into my yoga practice this morning, plus my 10 minutes of meditation, I realized with even more clarity how much I enjoy the silence and slowing down.

Moving through yoga this morning felt so incredibly good. When I was done I did 10 minutes of meditation. I felt like I had fallen into a big, fluffy, soft cloud. There was a light breeze blowing through my windows, while my table top water fountain trickled in the background, along with the sounds of birds tweeting here and there.

The words divine and delicious kept floating through my mind. Normally I feel way too anxious to mediate in the mornings, especially if I just sit there without a guided meditation or music softly playing in the background. I did have a moment of angst find me, but then the mantra, “My Time” came to me. I repeated that silently if I started to feel anymore angst. It worked.

I’ve been thinking about how much time we devote to others and our lists of  to do’s. My mantra “My Time” is something I know I’ll come back to.

From the minute we get up we are doing something and giving of ourselves. I thought about how the minute I am up, I whisk Gidget to the bathroom, make the bed, feed the dogs, get my yoga clothes on, and kiss and hug John (pretty much in that order!). To sit for 10 minutes just for me – no one else and for no list, truly is divine.

This weekend I read a blog post about how to start meditating and it said, “Even if you have 23 kids and 14 jobs, you can find five minutes to meditate.” I love the point of that because we all think our lives are just too busy and we think we can’t possibly find 5-10 minutes. But we can.

I’m not 100% good at meditation everyday (yes, even for five minutes), but I just have to say that when I take the time to do it, I sure do feel 100% better. It makes me want to keep moving toward that goal of at least five minutes each day.