I sometimes find it intriguing how at times it seems I ‘miss’ things. But then perhaps, and what I really believe, is that I was meant to see something just at the time I did.
This morning is when such an occurrence happened. As I waited for the time to arrive to record my first interview with host, Lori Smashnuk Leduc of The Wiener Dog Lover’s podcast, to talk about my new book, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am, I was putt-sing around the house and doing some household chores. I then decided to clean out the birdbath and fill it with fresh water.
As I took the birdbath off the deck railing I glanced down and under the hydrangea tree I noticed the green leaves of the forget-me-not’s peeking their way out of hibernation.
I planted them last May in honor and memory of Gidget. She rests just a few feet away from them. At first, I wondered why I’d first noticed them today. Surely they were there before this, but I’d just not noticed.
But then I smiled. Of course, I noticed today. It was a nudge from Gidget cheering me on as I get ready to do the interview today. And how did I know? Because I felt a wave of emotion run through my entire body.
While there is always a tinge of sadness mixed in because I miss her sweet self, I also felt joy for the connection her and I still share. And so I welcome it all.
Thank you sweet, girl. I can’t wait to talk about you today with Lori and share it with others soon!
Today’s reading is a deep one, but I feel very valuable, and I hope it will be of benefit. After I pulled the two cards for today I journaled what I was receiving as insight. I also relate the cards to a deeply personal story because I felt it related on many levels and would be helpful during this time of fears arising for many. I then decided to record the reading as I felt that was important. I do share what I journaled below but also shared a bit more context in the recorded version.
What is it we most need to know now for our highest good?
Here in the United States, we are being told that the next two weeks are critical. We’ve been strongly advised to not even go to the grocery store or pharmacy.
And as I thought about this and prepared to do the reading for the week, it felt odd to even try and come up with a question. What question can even encompass the magnitude of these times, I wondered.
But I realized that asking what it is we need to know for our highest good, while it may seem somewhat simplistic, it also contains the depth of what we are being called to really lean into now.
So I pulled a card from Work Your Light Oracle by Rebecca Campbell because we are in the thick of this time that we need to all be holding the brightest light of love and hope and allow that vibration to flow out into the world.
For our animal guiding us, I pulled a card from The Spirit Animal Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid.
While the card I pulled from Work Your Light can be a difficult one to look at and feel scary, we must also remember to keep our hearts open and trust that there is a glimpse of what can, and I believe, will be, on the other side of all of this.
The card is The Crumbling and asks the question, What are you clinging onto?
As the messages we are getting are feeling more dire and can entice a sense of losing even more control, this is when we are being given the opportunity to not breakdown, but to experience a breakthrough.
I want to share here a bit about what I share in my new memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I am, as I found myself at what I felt was my breaking point back in the early spring of 2018. I was completely drained of every ounce of energy after having made the decision that I was going to have my dog, Gidget put to sleep due to chronic health challenges and that fact I could no longer cope.
It was after making that decision that friend and animal communicator, Dawn, and I spoke via Skype. She was trying to urge me to reconsider my decision, but I couldn’t hear it. All I felt was a sense of losing control of what I felt was the best decision for Gidget, while I also felt deeply judged for my decision.
After an intense back and forth between Dawn and me she said, “I’m just trying to be an advocate for Gidget.” It was at that moment that the rage I’d held within me for most of my life came barreling to the surface as my throat clenched and through anger and tears I yelled, “But who was an advocate for me?”
I remember feeling stunned when it came out but also feeling relieved at the same time.
This was one of my breakthroughs – of finally releasing the fear, anger, and the loss of innocence and loss of control I’d experienced as a little girl and being inappropriately touched.
Though I’d experience yet another wave of fear about an hour as I went over and over in my mind that our conversation I had with Dawn that I hit the bottom and had the thought that I’d rather die instead of dealing with the pain I was experiencing.
And that was my second vital breakthrough. Instead of clinging to that fear, I realized if things were going to change, it had to be me who would take responsibility for my pain and begin to heal it.
So even though it felt like in those few hours that everything around me was about to crumble and I was brought to my knees, it was within the crumbling that I’d catch a glimpse of the fact I didn’t want to die and that I wanted to live….and more importantly, that I was capable of making my life better even though what had happened to me from my past was out of my control and wasn’t my fault.
And each step I took forward, I began to feel lighter in body, mind, and spirit, and the world around me began to be filled with hope and assurance that I was going to be just fine.
I share this story in hopes that if you are feeling the same way right now and a sense of losing more control, and your fear is feeling amplified, that this is where you have the opportunity to really look at your fears, face them, and understand where they come from.
It could likely be that little child within that needs you now more than ever to reassure them that you are here and will help them through this.
While it may appear that things around us are crumbling even more, looking at the card, we can see that the more it crumbles, the more the light has the opportunity to come through.
The animal guiding us is Pig Spirit and the words, Use your mind wisely. I pulled the card in reverse which is called protection in this deck.
Our mind can be very, very powerful and now is the opportunity to use it to the advantage of not letting the fear take over, but rather to help you remember that you can do this – you’ve got this. The image of the pig having wings and the saying comes to mind of “when pigs fly” I sense as that we can rise above this.
This is a time to call on that higher power we’ve always said we believed in and is now being put to the test. Move into a space of higher perspective that we will learn so much from this time and that together, we will thrive once again.
And to remember that within this time right NOW is that we can do the same.
I hope this intuitive oracle reading I recorded for you today (below) will be of benefit and bring you some peace. Just as I was getting ready to post this I took a few moments to listen to one of my teachers. Synchronicity is definitely at work as she picked the same card, Co-Create, which is the one I’d picked earlier this morning.
I have to also share with you that when I woke this morning I felt this heavy energy enveloping me. I wasn’t sure what it was at first – was it mine or was it the world around me? I’ve learned to be more in tune with this being that I’m a sensitive and empathetic person.
In my mind, I heard myself say, get moving. After a workout on my pilates machine and then twenty minutes of meditation I felt a little better. I only check the news twice a day and when I looked at the updates I realized the stay in place had been extended to the end of April. That explained the heavy feeling as I have no doubt many are feeling angst about this.
Much love and peace to each of you.
xo,
Barbara
cards from: Wisdom of the Oracle by Colette Baron Reid and The Ark Animal Tarot and Oracle by Bernadette King