While the wren image – a photograph I took – dried on the collage piece I worked on earlier this week, I decided to stack some wood – wood we use for our chiminea.
Stacking wood, just like creating the collage is like an art form, I think. When we first got our chiminea I would get upset if John hadn’t stacked wood and we’d have to take time out to gather it before we could build a fire. But then one day I decided I’d stack it myself, and keep it stacked, even though I wasn’t too crazy about the idea at first.
But now I’ve really come to enjoy it. It makes me think about how sometimes we grumble about household chores, which I can still be guilty of at times. But when I remind myself to do them with mindfulness or view it as an art form, it feels centering and also makes me feel a sense of accomplishment.
Fitting the pieces of wood together to get as much as I can on the stand, is somewhat like doing a collage too – keeping an eye out for how everything fits together.
As I worked some more on the collage after I was done stacking wood I had the movie Bridges of Madison County playing in the background.
That scene where Francesca and her husband are in their truck and behind the truck of Robert Kincaid, at the stop sign, the rain pouring down, and Francesca puts her hand on the handle of the door, torn between whether to stay with her husband or run off with Robert, is palpable.
Each time it makes me think how sometimes the grass can seem greener on the other side. But how often it does not turn out that way. It brings me back to thinking about how when things were getting difficult with health challenges with Gidget two years before she passed and how I felt like I was missing out on so much in life. There were times, I too wanted to run.
But in the end, as I wrote about in my new memoir, it was a wake-up call to do the inner work I’d been called to do to come back to what really mattered to me – that was the path I was meant to take. Even though it wasn’t easy, and at times I felt torn, the more I stayed with what I was feeling, the more that yearning subsided.
Over a year later since she’s been gone, this is what continues to deepen in my gratitude for her – that the last year of her life was so beautiful as our relationship grew exponentially. I’m so glad I didn’t miss out on that as it remains with me as some of my most fond and meaningful memories.
Going through the pandemic of the virus this year has also been a reminder to me of how much I love my home, my gardens, my time with John, seeing wildlife outside my windows, fires in the chiminea, etc. How often it is that all we need is right here in front of us and within us.
These are the moments of a mind wandering that bring me back to the center of my heart that I’m grateful for.
xo,
Barbara
