emotional pain

Putting Myself Back Together Again through Meditation

Posted by Barbara Techel
I took this photo mid-morning today. I love the blue hues I see in the snow.

I had some interesting insight yesterday morning when I sat in meditation. The more I’ve pondered it the more I’ve come to appreciate what it did.

First, a little of the back story. On Saturday afternoon my father-in-law was admitted to hospice and by 10:30 pm that evening he had made a peaceful transition. While he’d not been well for a few years now, it still felt unexpected and it all happened quite quickly.

It brought back many memories being inside the hospice facility where I paid many visits with my special wheelie dog, Frankie when we were a therapy dog team many years ago. We volunteered there for three years and the perspective I gained there was life-altering in a beautiful and profound way. One of the key lessons I learned was to ‘leave my baggage at the door’ before entering. Our job was to be one hundred percent present for the patients and families we met.

I remember how scared I initially was to do this type of work – to be with those that were dying. But what I’d come to understand, which was vital, is that they were still living. I’d come to experience being part of hospice as a true honor and privilege to be allowed into the rooms of those that were in their final stage of life.

Now I was on the ‘other side’ of things as my father-in-law was making his transition. I was among the family members as we sat vigil in his room. At one point, witnessing the deepest of compassion and caring the nurses were lovingly extending to my father-in-law and the family, I was overwhelmed with emotions. It truly is such sacred work they do.

As to be expected with all the emotions flowing it leaves a person drained of their energy. Along with the family activity the next day at the home where John grew up, the energy was running high with much that needs to be done as a funeral is planned.

Being one who needs lots of quiet time, and sensitive to energy, by Sunday evening when we returned home my energy was depleted. I was eager for Monday morning to get in some meditation time as one of my go-to’s when I need to refill my well.

I chose a meditation called, Whispering Thoughts on Inside Timer which provided ambient sounds that said it would “guide you into a state of inner calmness and bring you back to your true nature, your inner self.”

Once my thoughts quieted down, I saw my spine in my mind’s eye. It was crooked with many zig zags. I then saw my hands on either side of my spine. They started at the bottom near my tailbone and began to gently compress inward on either side of my spine. As they did this, I saw my spine begin to relax and straighten.

After several rounds of this, I then saw my hands gently smooth out my spine beginning at the top and running them along the top of my spine and extending this motion all the way to the bottom of my tailbone. This happened for several minutes.

As I’ve pondered this and how I feel today, the straightening of my spine as it came to me through meditation, which was so relaxing and soothing, was a way in which I was calming my nervous system. It also helped to restore some of the energy that had been depleted.

My meditation practice evolves and continues to teach me new things and this one I’m feeling much gratitude for. The difference in my practice these days is I have learned to trust that what is happening is real and I’ve learned that tuning into my body and taking note of how I’m feeling is a guide to help me during difficult times.

xo,

Barbara

What I’m Taking with Me Into 2020

Posted by Barbara Techel
 
It was in 2015 that I began to be nudged to acknowledge and honor my inner Child that was wounded. This nudge became more intense over the next three years until it came to a full head-on moment in the winter of 2018 when I felt like I wanted to die instead of dealing with the pain.
 
That journey – one of healing – is chronicled in my new memoir coming out in early 2020.
 
As I picked this oracle card this morning, I knew what I’d be taking with me into the New Year.
 
For as long as I can remember, and I’ve no doubt many of you can relate too, I was so afraid to make mistakes. What if I was wrong? What if I looked stupid? What if no one believed me?
 
But the more I listened to that part of me (my ego), the more my inner Child felt misunderstood and abandoned and the more she cried out for me to please lovingly and gently attend to her.
 
And so I take with me into 2020 what I’ve learned the past four years of deep inner work, loving that little girl within me, listening to her, acknowledging her, holding her, and most of all, finally believing her.
 
And it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes – as they are guiding posts to what we can change in our lives for the better – and it frees us from this endless and tireless drive to be perfect – which society will continue to try to put upon us – until more and more of us say no more.
 
As I’ve written in my memoir and truly believe…I Am a work in progress…we all are…and this means I will still make mistakes. But I take with me an evolved understanding that I have a choice to look at these moments as opportunities and course correct.
 
The more I love that inner child, the more I want to dance and twirl and allow more fun and spontaneity into my life and continue to be true to the heart of who I am.
 
xo,
Barbara
 
Card from: The Wild Offering Oracle by Tosha Silver

When Life Happens (blog)

Posted by Barbara Techel

 

When Life Happens (blog)
A sign of support from the universe

March began with sub-zero temps here in Wisconsin. The bird feeder hanging outside my writing cottage window awaits refilling.  In just two days the birds emptied it with gusto in an effort to stay warm.
 
But the promise of spring is right around the corner.  I hear the drip, drip, drip of melting icicles and snow, the chattering of many birds, and feel the warmth of the sun streaming in through the windows.

I now have a subtitle for my upcoming book! The title as a reminder is, I’m fine Just the Way I Am,” and the subtitle: Healing Emotional Pain through the Wisdom of Animals and Oracles.
 
As I approached the last chapter of the second draft two weeks ago I thought I’d have it complete by the end of the month.

But life had other plans.
 
In the span of two days, I had a family emergency, then learned of a dear friend’s passing which I posted a tribute to her here, and my dog, Gidget required a visit to the vet for a bladder infection.

This had me on the brink of spiraling down the proverbial rabbit hole.
 
Writing this book has been emotional at times, and with recent life events, I realized I was caught in the perpetual fight/flight mode, and turning toward things that weren’t supporting me, but only can keeping me in a scarcity and fearful state.
 
Fortunately, I surround myself with like-minded mentors, and practices that help ground me.

It was the honest sharing in a newsletter I subscribe to from writer and writing coach, Cynthia Morris, who shared her recent fall down the rabbit hole that stopped me from completely getting sucked into the same vortex.
 
I’m also much more aware of my energy these days. So sooner rather than later, I recognized I was being invited to yet again trust in the flow of life, instead of pushing against it, or getting swallowed up by it.
 
My manuscript could wait. It was more important that I spend time tending to my hurting heart, finding my footing again, and incorporating self-care.
 
The truth is that when I’m in a place of emotional pain, such as the loss of my dear friend, and the unexpected family emergency and feeling helpless for a loved one in pain, it’s not easy to just jump right back into my writing. I have to first be with, and process my emotions.

But I didn’t always do this. Instead I’d often just power through because as a society we don’t always value the importance of being with our feelings and taking a time out.
 
Guilt also tried to rear its ugly head trying to scold me that it was bad I wasn’t working on my book, that I didn’t meet my deadline for getting this post up, and that I also didn’t get my monthly animal message recorded by March 1st (though it’s available now and you can listen here).
 
But I had to be with that space of not wanting to really do anything and just be with what I was feeling. I couldn’t push it, while at the same time, trusted that I’d be back to my writing when I was ready.
 
Something I’ve come to understand more and more is how important our emotional state is. While I do my best to eat healthy, exercise, and take supplements, the emotional component is vital to our feeling whole.

This is something I also write about in my upcoming book, and how I finally got to a point of feeling worthy and that my quality of life matters.
 
So staying in alignment with where my heart needed to be was all that mattered. Everything else needed to wait and would fall into place as it was meant to, and it did. The more I trust this, the more I experience peace.
 
And the more I’m able to share from the truth of my beliefs, the more I hope it helps those that need to hear this same message. Because it truly is a gift to give ourselves the space and love we deserve.

XO,

Barbara