expectations

Letting Go of this One Word Could Just Possibly Improve Your Life.

Posted by Barbara Techel

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Expectations are disappointments under construction. – Joan Anderson

Image a world where we didn’t have expectations? I truly believe it would be a world with way fewer struggles. More acceptance of each other and happier souls walking this planet.

Ever notice when you go into a situation with expectations? How often are you disappointed? What if we just opened ourselves to possibilities instead of trying to control everything around us?

I can’t stop thinking about this quote ever since I read it in Joan’s newsletter yesterday. It really resonates with me. How many times I’ve caused myself angst because of how I expected something to turn out.  There are so many. But as a woman who is a work in progress, I am getting better at not disappointing myself.  Because I know I am to blame when this happens.

But being a woman in progress means I get to start fresh again the next time. I have a new opportunity to not set myself up for disappointment.

One example that came flying to the forefront of my mind was when Frankie became paralyzed. There was no other option in my mind of expectations but for her to walk again. I couldn’t fathom her having to live the rest of her life in a wheelchair. You know how much sadness and grief that caused me? But looking back on it today, I wouldn’t change a thing. I grew exponentially from that experience.

My expectations in this situation led me to becoming a better human being. I learned so much about myself in the process and changed in ways I never thought possible. So even though expectations can cause us great angst, I also think they can be wonderful opportunities to learn and to see that letting go of control will improve our well being.

Jackson and Frankie 1I would have never met Jackson, who also has special needs, if not for Frankie.  She positively effected the life of Jackson helping him feel better about himself.

What I appreciated that Joan shared also is that expectations are really our ego trying to get the best of us. We make expectations all about ourselves. We try to control circumstances so that we don’t have to face a fear we may have or so that we can remain happy in all situations.

That is what I did with Frankie, not wanting her initially to be in a wheelchair. It was because of how I felt I would be judged. How I worried that others may think I was cruel for putting my dog in a wheelchair. My own insecurity about myself and my self image played huge into this equation.

Thankfully, as many of you know who have followed my blog since Frankie, I came to my senses. This was about a sweet, gentle creature who needed my help and deserved to live a happy, quality life. Throwing my expectations out the window opened up a path for me that I never planned or saw coming. What a ride it was and I’m so grateful.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAIf I had stayed in the place of expectations, not accepting Frankie needed a wheelchair, I would have never met all the wonderful kids I did. Thousands of kids are now part of my heart forever.

The Heck with Expectations. Follow Your Heart.

Posted by Barbara Techel

In 2005 I decided enough following my head, I was going to follow my heart and see what happens. What a journey it has been. Has it been easy? Not always. Has it been worth it? Absolutely yes.

Following my heart means I make the choice to live by my rules (within the law, of course), my authenticity, and by what matters to me. To some, I suppose that may sound selfish. But as I’ve travel this path, I realize it is more selfish to not follow your heart. When you follow your heart and live into who you truly are not only do you give others permission (and hopefully courage) to do the same- but you also give the gift of the real you to those around you.

Following my heart means I may look and seem “different” to some of my family and friends. But truth be told, this was me all along, I was just finally owning and living into that ME.  It was darn lonely at times, and quite scary too.  But the more I am me, the more I don’t want to go backward, I have to keep moving forward. There were times, and yes, still are, but further time in between now, where I think it might be “easier” to just go with the flow. But you know what I realized?  No one else lives inside this head of mine, or this heart of mine. If they are not happy, then I am not happy. That does me no good, nor those around me.

Imagine a world where everyone felt confident to follow their heart. I imagine it as a world of complete peace. Society can put so many expectations on us and we fall into that trap and drown out the message of our hearts.  Our hearts won’t scream out to us- it will just be a slow, dull ache and we will feel not quite ourselves. But the heart being the way to your soul, can only be heard if you sit in silence and allow the message just for you to come forth.

As I move into my new chapter with Frankie who will soon retire from her work as a therapy dog and visiting schools (mid summer), I have felt very uncomfortable at how this feels. I’ve had to remind myself that it is perfectly OK to be still, and listen to my heart for the next step in my journey. I’ve come to realize that I’m being given another gift– a time of soaking in every moment I can with it just being Frankie and I… and her special time with John and Kylie. I’m being given a gift to concentrate my full efforts on my new book and give thought to a next book. Though I’ve shed a few tears (which come at the most unexpected times) about closing this last chapter, I find more and more peace melt into my heart. And I think tears do truly cleanse the soul to make room for another blooming on the path of our journeys.