Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me with cards sent, via email or Facebook and your kind and sweet support and the loss of Gidget. Just as the heart trepidly walks with grief, sometimes receiving an outpouring of love and support can feel overwhelming too. But I realized a lesson in this and that I must simply take in what I can at the moment and return again when I feel called to.
I want to share this special double heart memorial marker with you. It’s in my garden outside my writing cottage. When I open the blinds in my bedroom each morning and when I sit at my writing desk I can see it.
Some of you may remember that two years ago I scattered the ashes of my two previous doxie’s Frankie and Joie around my writing cottage. Gidget now rests here too.
On Mother’s Day morning I walked out to my garden to be with her. I felt called to gather some rocks and form the shape of a heart in honor of my love for her. Just as I placed the last rock at the bottom of the heart, a small rock off to the side caught my eye. It was in the shape of a heart.
I smiled through my tears. Little Gidget already sending me a sign of love right back to me… and so I placed her heart within mine. Though honestly, I feel like the big heart is more representative of her.
There are many ways in which one nurtures and for a good part of my life, I’ve struggled with why I never felt called to have children of my own.
The core reason why has been revealing itself to me since 2015 and stems from a personal childhood wounding. A week before Mother’s Day and the passing of Gidget, it was like another window to my soul opened and I deeply felt the truth of why and I had to be with all I was feeling.
As many of you also know, I’ve been working on my third memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am. This book will share that journey of facing that inner core wound and working my way through it. At the heart of it was my dear Gidget guiding me and holding the most loving space for me.
For the most part, the writing of the book is done. I’ve received feedback from three beta readers which I’ll use to tweak the manuscript. I also realized two days ago that there will be an afterword. I’m not quite ready to write that yet as I need to give myself time to process the loss of Gidget.
But I do know and understand now that if I’d had children I’d not experienced what I have in my life and for that I’m grateful. And I know that this was the path I was meant to walk.
I also remember how I was feeling trepidation about sharing the news of Gidget’s passing as I didn’t want other’s who cared for her to feel sad. But just like I shared the joy of her, the grief must come with it too. Grief is something we all have in common – none of us escape it.
Then just this morning I received this note from a wise friend:
Not only are you feeling your sweet friend but you are assisting others to feel and release their grief. And that is what a catalyst does. Part of your work here is to help others with theirs. It’s not always easy, as you very well know, but it is your path.
I deeply felt the truth of this.
And so with Gidget’s heart a part of mine always, I journey on…
XO,
Barbara
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