This song has been especially resonating with me lately. Though originally by Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks, I love the remake done by the Dixie Chicks.
I’ve heard the song many times, but just awhile ago it took on a new meaning for me. This line made my heart skip a beat: “I’ve been afraid of changin’ cause I build my life around you.” I couldn’t get it out of my head since then. I knew I wanted to write about what this means to me, but was not quite ready to face all the changes happening for me lately.
I’m learning to trust my intution even more as well as honor it by following through on it’s guidance. I’m also learning more to trust what I am “hearing” from Frankie. It has not been easy. But as I move through this new experience, I’m finding a new kind of comfort and peace in it all. I’ve realized some things about myself that I couldn’t face the last year, but now that they have come to light and I’ve faced them, I’m ready to keep moving forward.
Another line in the song that touches me is, “Can I handle the seasons of my life?” So often we think we can’t, but when we look back, we realize it was all divine timing, and that indeed, we could handle them.
This week I made another step in what I feel is Frankie’s evolution of change. When I began volunteering with her as a therapy dog team, we visited three facilities a month. This past summer I let the hospital go, as it was just too big for Frankie to get around anymore. Then for the past two weeks I knew I had to readjust her visits down to once a month- the thought wouldn’t let me rest, so I knew it was time.
Do I let Libby’s House or Hospice go? I was so torn. I’ve learned so much about life and have enjoyed our visits to both facilities so much. Both have changed me deeply.
It then occurred to me that I could alternate our months visiting. That felt right. But the biggest thing I realized through all of this as I carefully put an email together to the facilities, was that I still struggle with disappointing people. I prayed they would understand and that they wouldn’t be disappointed. Tears filled my eyes as I hit the send button. But at the same time I felt this weight lift from my shoulders. I knew I was doing the right thing.
Of course, as you can imagine, both places completely understood my decision. I was especially touched by the director of hospice as she wrote back and said, “I have admired your relationship with Frankie; your desire to honor her and provide her a graceful retirement increases my admiration.”
Frankie and our work together has been a huge part of helping me heal in many areas of my life… as well as I do believe, she has helped others heal in their own unique ways too. By honoring her moving into a new phase of her life, I’m also honoring myself and what I feel in my heart is the right thing to do.
“If you climb a mountain and you turn around, and if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills…”
Frankie has helped me to climb a mountain in so many ways. As I turn around to look at my reflection I see a new woman who has grown in ways I could have never imagined… and it continues to touch the deepest part of my soul that I learned this all from a little doxie on wheels. God has truly blessed me.
One of Frankie’s favorite things to do is burrow into her papa’s sweatshirt sleeve. It is a joy to watch her do this… we wait and wait and wait… till her head pops out the other end.
And within minutes she is fast asleep.
