memoir writing

Ending, Beginnings, and Sweet Sheep

Posted by Barbara Techel
Photo by Sam Carter on Unsplash

It’s a chilly, damp spring day and the day after my book launch of I’m Fine Just the Way I Am and my heart overflows. If you had wanted to attend but weren’t able to make it, I recorded it and you can watch it below.

As with any creative project that involves the heart there is a myriad of feelings I’ve experienced from preparing for the launch, to the actual launch day, to now on the other side.

As John and I had a date night in our R-pod last night as we’ve been doing every Wednesday since the pandemic began, I was flying high with excitement and a heart that was lit up in feeling so supported and loved. John shared how happy he is for me and he knows what a journey this has been for me – for us. He then said in the sweetest tone, “Are you going to take a few days off?”

My heart melted and it resonated as that is just what I wish to do. My art journal pages have been calling me again. Last week I had printed out this photo of this sweet sheep as something about her is speaking to me, so I’m looking forward to just playing with paint and paper and seeing where it will take me.

Though I was very tired in a good way when my head hit the pillow last night, I woke at 2 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I had dropped down into that melancholy space of realizing something has ended and something new which I don’t quite know what that is has begun. 

I honor it all as it is what continues to make my heart feel full of gratitude and peace. It was in the quiet of the morning then that this photo of the sheep called to me because she speaks of this softening within myself that is such a sweet space to be.

So off I go to just be for a few days. I’ll be back next week. 

As promised, here’s the recording of my book launch. I hope you enjoy.

xo,

Barbara

 

 

The Final Page and Canary Spirit’s Perfect Message

Posted by Barbara Techel

The editing and the cover of my book, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am have been completed for a few weeks now and the manuscript is in the hands of those I reached out to for endorsements. It’s the final tidbits of book publishing I need to yet complete before it goes off to the design team who will put together the interior layout.

The past few days I’ve been working on the very last page of my memoir. The page I’m working on? The acknowledgments. I’ve been writing a little each day. Trying to find the most appreciative and heartfelt words to express to those who have walked this journey with me.

I’ve done this so many times before and yet again I find myself in this stuck place. I know it’s because I feel a depth of gratitude for those that have supported me, but then how do I truly convey that in words?

And so I did what I often do when I’m feeling stuck. I pulled some tarot and oracle cards. I received Guardian of Water (from Gaian Tarot – Healing the Earth, Healing Ourselves by Joanna Powell Colbert) and Canary Spirit (from The Spirit Animals Oracle by Colette Baron-Reid). 

Guardian of Water was part of a New Moon reading I did for myself on Sunday and Canary Spirit is my animal for the month of December from a year-long spread I did for myself at the beginning of 2019. Interesting their appearance again.

Right away I understand these cards as reminding me to continue to go with the flow and not against the current. The turtle on the card symbolic of the fact I can’t rush this, and the fish swimming upstream I see as trusting my own flow. I can’t force this, but allow it to unfold naturally. Water is symbolic of emotions and I’m swimming in them right now, though not quite sure how to express them. The shell I see as if holding to my ear, and to listen and tune in to my heart, and then let it flow.  Flow seems to be the theme here, now doesn’t it?

Canary Spirit reminds me that no matter what, this whole journey of writing this book has been about singing my own song. Tears actually pooled in my eyes when I pulled the Canary card as it is packed with so much meaning for me. The writing of this book has set me free in boundless ways – and no doubt will continue to as it goes out into the world.

And in the end, no matter what, I know I put my heart and soul into this and grew in ways I never imagined I would. This allowing and not forcing has been something I continue to hone. And so what a lovely reminder from these two cards to come forth as the needed reminder to allow the flow with gentleness and graciousness…and trust that it will all come together, just as it always has.

And so with this message of truth, I now sign off and head out for a walk, which always proves good medicine too…

xo,

Barbara

I Burned My Manuscript

Posted by Barbara Techel

Truth be told. I’ve had a few moments since Gidget has been gone that I have wondered what is even the point of completing my book – my third memoir.

An edited paper version of it that I marked up in red ink, and before feedback from my beta readers, has sat on my desk for a few months now. Yesterday I looked at it and wondered why I kept it. 

This morning, after my yoga practice and journaling with the SoulCollage® card I made in honor of Gidget (which I’ll share in a future post), I felt called to burn the manuscript. 

I placed it in the chiminea that sits on our deck. It has held a fire most weekend nights and often entices deep conversation and contemplation. Tearing the sections of the manuscript in half, and then half again, I threw them into the chiminea, doused it with lighter fluid, and threw in a match.

It was cathartic to watch it go up in flames. A ritual of letting go of how the manuscript began – painstakingly at times and then the last six months it flowed with much more ease.

Before Gidget left, the draft I was currently working on was close to being polished with feedback integrated from the beta readers and then it would be off to the editor.

But it all stopped when Gidget died. I couldn’t bring myself to open the unfinished document on my computer. Though it was only about a week after Gidget left that I knew there would be an afterword for my book. But I’ve had to just sit with the many thoughts of how I will write it.

I will complete the book. And yesterday, I began where I left off with the chapter on a dream I had that was pivotal to my healing last year.

All of how this has unfolded has been the process that has been meant to be for me. There is no right or wrong way to write a book. This has been a valuable teaching for me over the years since I began writing here on my blog and the books I’ve published. 

I’m much more interested these days in listening to my inner voice and letting go of how other’s say we “should” write. I want to continue to follow my flow of energy, honor it and trust that all is happening in just the right time.

Just as I sat down to write this post an email came into my inbox from a woman I recently gifted my first two memoirs. What a beautiful confirmation:

I honor and bless the little girl in you who has chosen in this lifetime to do so much healing. I sense you are healing from many past lives. Stand tall in your newborn knowledge of who you are. You are so needed to share your light with all whom you touch.

Your books are beautiful. Your gentle heart comes shining through. I wish you peace in your healing process.

There is so much amazing support that the universe offers us when we stay open to the possibilities.

And with that, I’m signing off to update the next chapter of my book, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am…

XO,

Barbara

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