personal growth

Tasha Tudor – A Special Oracle of Mine

My “think and tinkle” station in my bathroom

As I began to write this post I thought about calling it “Think and Tinkle” and then thought with a grin, perhaps I could title it “Ponder and…” But as the day has unfolded, alas, the title I chose is much more in alignment with the message I want to share. And don’t mind me, I can have a silly sense of humor.

While I can be downright serious and a deep thinker, perhaps it’s something you don’t know about me, in that I do believe I have a pretty good sense of humor. I feel like I developed it being married to my quick-witted hubby, John, or perhaps I had it in me all along. Who knows? But I guess I kind of digress…

ANYways…seriously. It’s such a beautiful way to start off my day by randomly pulling a card from Mark’s inspirational deck, which sits on a small stand in my bathroom. The deck is The Book of Awakening, which by the way, is the same name of a book he wrote. If you’ve not read it, you might want to check it out if it calls to you. Now I’m wondering what Mark Nepo would think of my private pondering time on the commode with his card deck?  🙂

Today’s pull was, “Be Who You Are” and says, “You do not have to do anything to be loved, and being who you are does not let others down. This needs to be repeated, and often. Simply be who you are, and love what is before you.” 

There was a time when I would have read this and thought, but how do I do that? Missing the whole point that there is nothing to do, but to just be. And it was because I worried so much about judgement from other’s. But now I am so much better at living my life in the way that feels right for me.

But being this spiritual being in a human body with a mind and an ego that tries to sometimes convince me otherwise, the need for reminders through pondering moments such as today and Mark’s gorgeous and thought-provoking cards keeps me walking a journey of embracing all of who I am.

And was I ever tickled about a synchronicity that unveiled itself as the day went on that I saw in relation to this cards message!

Tasha Tudor in my favorite season of Fall

I received an email from Bob, an editor in Brattleboro, VT doing a story for their local newspaper, the Brattleboro Reformer, about author Tasha Tudor’s Advent calendar. As you likely know if you’ve been here with me awhile, I’m a devoted fan of Tasha’s, though she’s been gone since 2008. If you don’t know about her, just Google her name.

In doing some research, Bob came across a blog post I wrote in December 2012 about my dream vacation John and I took to Vermont around that same time. While I wrote many blog posts about our time in Vermont in the Fall, one post I’d shared two month’s later was about the advent calendar with Tasha’s simple, but endearing illustrations. I had purchased it from the museum in Brattleboro that honors Tasha’s memory and I had been truly enjoying opening a new little door of the calendar each day in anticipation of Christmas approaching.

Bob asked if I could chat a few minutes about what it is I love about Tasha and her advent calendar. I don’t know if he was prepared for the enthusiastic, bubbly gal he was going to have on the other end of the phone! But indeed, I was willing to talk to him as I could talk about my love for Tasha ALL. DAY. LONG.

After a delightful conversation sharing my love of all things Tasha with an emphasis on what appealed to me about the Advent calendar and how I loved Tasha’s philosophy of life in living by the beat of her own drum, I hung up the phone and the “Be Who You Are” card popped into my mind again.

Every day there are oracles for us if we pay attention – oracles that act as mirrors or reflections to help us along our path whether we are feeling challenged or as confirmation we are heading in the right direction. And while I continue to make strides forward with writing my third memoir, I’m Fine the Way I Am, I’ve had a few moments wondering how it will all turn out.

But as I was reminded with the card pull and Tasha as my oracle, to keep following the truth of my own heart as that is the only way to truly be.

XO,

Barb

Magic is in the Mess

Magic is in the Mess

If you’d rather listen to the audio version of my latest blog post, just click here. So far, I’m really enjoying doing this!

In continuing to be in awareness and in the months that have followed after a personal pivotal healing this year, thanks in part to my attending Oracle School, what I’ve learned through the wisdom of animals and my wise dachshund Gidget, plus many who have been here for me, honoring my journey and supporting me, this is a message I received yesterday…

and from all places, under a dark chocolate piece of Dove candy and written on the foil wrapper that read, The magic is in the mess.

I used to think that being positive all the time (even when I didn’t feel like it) was the way you dealt with challenges and that was where the magic was. Meaning, you just pushed through and smiled, not letting on what you were truly  feeling. Being positive in the face of challenges, after all, was what I learned years before from Frankie, who was my dear dachshund who was paralyzed and in a wheelchair.

But then it was my dachshund Gidget, with special needs of her own, who recently really helped me to understand that in opening to all my feelings during a difficult time with resentment and anger being at the forefront of my emotions, and was something I felt both shame and guilt for feeling. But I had to accept this and work with them. So in reading this quote yesterday it is yet another step of integration for me in that indeed, there is magic in the mess.

Because when we look straight on at our challenges or our fears, we can begin to see them as a sign that we are being called to grow, and as our perspective shifts, we find that when we come out the other side we have more clarity and grace. And might I add the fact that the name of the candy is Dove and Dove symbolizes peace which we also are granted more of when we face our fears and challenges.

It’s in doing what feels so very hard…that when we step fully into all of that difficulty, feeling ALL of what we are experiencing, that we are able to release, integrate, and let go…thus opening a new channel of understanding…and  experience what true magic is.

Magic is both pain and joy, light and dark.

XO,

Barb

Oracle Cards as Self-care for My Soul

Oracle Cards as Self Care for My Soul
Cards from Wisdom of the Oracle

If you’d like to listen to this post as an audio, I’m beginning an experiment and recording some of my posts. You can listen here.

Life isn’t fair. It’s all I could think about after adopting a special needs dog, Joie, and her passing away ten months later.

I was numb. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t understand. A writer, author, and blogger for over six years, I suddenly had nothing left to say. I was scared and didn’t know what my future would look like.

The truth was I’d been ignoring that voice within that had been urging me to slow down, take a break, and re-evaluate what it was I wanted next for my life. But I ignored it.

Until now. Here I was in this space with the one thing I needed to do, but pushed away for the past two years because I was afraid to look because of fear—fear of the unknown and fear of judgement.

The best thing I could do, and I now know looking back, was to honor that nudge that had been trying desperately to get my attention. And so I dropped everything in my professional life, and took a two month sabbatical. Even though it felt extremely uncomfortable the first two weeks to do what felt like nothing

But with an empty calendar and hours looming before me each day, I made the commitment to journal my thoughts, feelings, challenges, and disappointments in hopes the excavation would reveal my next best step.

It was on the second day of this sacred time that I was guided to pick up a card deck I’d had for quite some time called Grace Cards. While I’d not classify them specifically as an oracle deck, they would introduce me to how there is always a benevolent force of energy guiding us.

Just like many of the dogs in my life have been a reflection for me, guiding me to be my best self, the cards were uncanny in matching my words on the page and what was going on in my inner world as I moved through this time of learning to just be.

It was during this time of transition I’d come to see a deeper meaning to true self-care. While bubble baths, spending time in nature, yoga, and meditation is part of my self-care routine, it was pulling a daily oracle card and journaling with it I was able to move deeper into finding the courage to express what mattered to me.

While I’d write and publish, Wisdom Found in the PauseJoie’s Gift about this inward journey I took in 2013,  I didn’t put any effort into marketing it like I’d done with my previous books. I’d eventually come to realize it was because of fear of judgement that people would think I was wonky for working with oracle cards as a tool for personal growth, as if it wasn’t valid. I’m grateful I now know better!

And it would be over the next few years, and continuing the journey of going inward, working with an animal communicator, a therapist, a pet counselor, and going through Oracle School, I would come to understand how old stories and past wounds I’d carried with me for far too long caused me to repeat patterns with my inner critic leading the way. The one who wanted me to believe I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, that others would judge me, and that what I said and believed didn’t matter.

Self-care came to be about owning all my feelings and emotions and then working to integrate them into pearls of wisdom. And that the wisdom I’d gained from those past hurts and old stories were part of what was integral in helping shape me into who I am. Without those experiences I wouldn’t be the person I am. So I could either continue to curse them, or I could learn from them, understand how they influenced my life, and then release them.

This is what true self-care means to me now. It’s about the willingness to continue to be with my feelings and emotions, even those times when it’s uncomfortable and I’d rather resist and push them away. While I’m not perfect at this, I continue to be in awareness of the gift of this new perspective and trust that these are signposts are guiding me to more compassion, love, and understanding of self.

The three cards I purposely chose to go along with my thoughts on true self care are from The Wisdom of the Oracle deck. They speak to how different our lives can be if we open to the truth in our hearts, remember that a higher power has our back, and how we are then granted more blessed moments when we live in this way.

XO,

Barb

Oracle Card as Self Care for My Soul