relationship

My Rock. Happy Anniversary!

Posted by Barbara Techel

He is my rock. I am his water.

Thirty-six years of learning to embrace the qualities we each have that guide us to ebb and flow as a couple.

My astrological chart is full of water signs. John’s chart is pretty much all earth signs. It really is a perfect balance. Though this wasn’t always easy to understand about each other at the beginning of our relationship.

This week I’ve been reading Dr. Judith Orloff’s book, The Empath’s Survival Guide, Life Strategies for Sensitive People. It was serendipity that led me to the book after the week before when I was experiencing intense emotional pain. I realize now it was a culmination of the last few months and what we’ve been through in 2020 – and well, I finally tipped over the edge.

So much of what I’d held in came bubbling to the surface and over the next few days, I sifted through what it was about and how I needed to move forward. One of the gifts was that I was led to Dr. Orloff’s self-assessment empath test. After going through the twenty questions and having answered yes to seventeen of them, the results showed me as in the category of a full-blown empath.

There was relief in that, though I’ve known I’m an empath, but to the degree of which I wasn’t aware of. I chuckled to myself, but also realized I had some inner work to do. I’m grateful for Dr. Orloff’s book which has brought me much comfort.

So how does this apply to the rock of my life? Well, in short – I chose well. Or perhaps what I really believe to be true is that it was destined to be that John and I would become partners.

I loved this statement in the book: “In a soul mate relationship, both people are dedicated to their own and the other’s growth.” While I didn’t realize this at the beginning of our relationship it became clear to me in my early 40s how blessed I was to have this with John.

Reading further I came to this type of partner and knew this is the one I have in John: “The Rock, or Strong and Silent Type – Consistent, dependable, and stable, this type of partner will always be there to lean on. Empaths can express emotions freely around them. Rocks won’t get alarmed or be critical. They can be counted on, which is reassuring for empaths, who love consistency. But Rocks often have a hard time sharing their own feelings. Their empath mates may keep trying to get them to open up but become frustrated with the slow progress (I can so relate to this! But I will say John is much better now at opening up. 🙂 ).

Empaths and Rocks can make wonderful partners. They balance each other. Rocks can learn from empaths how to express their emotions and passion more clearly, while empaths can learn to be more grounded from Rock (I’ve definitely learned this from John!). It’s not that Rocks don’t have feelings; it’s that they need loving support to bring them out. Their feet are solid on the earth.”

So today on our wedding anniversary I’m feeling especially grateful for my Rock. And I found myself moved to tears when I unexpectedly came across a song this morning that I’d not heard before. No doubt Spirit put this in my path.

John and I are hoping to make it happen that we can go to Blue Ridge, GA for two months this winter. He’s been presented with a wonderful opportunity to do some remodeling work on a beautiful home his sister and husband bought in the mountains.

I’ve been blessed to have seen the Blue Ridge mountains a couple of times already in my life and each time I’ve been in their presence I’m moved to tears. I don’t know why that is, but all I can say is that it feels good to be around them.

With all that has transpired this year, it has sunk in deeper how short this one precious life is that we have. While a part of me can’t imagine being gone two months from my cozy home and my Joyful Pause Cottage where I work, another part of me really wants to make the trip. And at times I picture myself packing my laptop, some books, and art supplies to find inspiration in the mountains.

And this is where the song comes in…and the line that brought tears to my eyes…and must surely be a sign from Spirit…

“and if you take my hand I’ll walk with you to Georgia.”

XO,

Barbara

 

He No Longer Sends Me Flowers

Posted by Barbara Techel

It’s been years since John sent me flowers.

Dating and then becoming a young wife I admit I expected them. Isn’t that what one does on occassions such as Valentine’s Day, Birthday’s or Sweetest Day? Isn’t that what we’ve been taught to believe?

Oh, the times I was hurt, angry or sulked when I didn’t get flowers. 

Didn’t John love me?

This is what I thought.

My mind would spiral down the rabbit hole. I took it so. very. personally.

The blessing of growing older is that I’ve learned to laugh at myself.

I’ve also realized that the gift of this life is to love yourself. 

And the interesting and beautiful thing that has happened?

John has loved me even more than I could have ever imagined.

He hears and understands me even in times when I think he doesn’t, yet I continue to be who I am because this is what makes me happy.

And then one day he comes home from work with a big smile on his face.

Digging deep into his pocket he says, “I brought you a surprise.”

Wondering what it could possibly be I say, “You did?”

He walks toward me with his hand open. 

I see he has a handful of black stones.

All shiny except for one that looks more like a rock.

I sense his proudness as he hands them to me.

“They are Apache stones,” he says.

“I’ve never heard of Apache stones.” 

“Look it up,” he says. “They are from Arizona.”

He tells me they are currently installing a fireplace in the house he’s been building.

The inset around the fireplace has many different stones from Arizona embedded in it.

He hands me what is left of the stones that the homeowner gave him.

I look up the meaning of stones. They are referred to as Apache tears and here is what it says:

These stones were left scattered across the desert, where they can now be found.

Their historical meaning is that these stones are powerful to heal you if you are feeling grief and emotional distress.

“I love stones,” I said. “Thank you.” 

“See? I do listen to you,” he says with a grin. “I thought you’d like them.”

Pondering the meaning of the stones it runs through my mind the fact that John’s Dad passed away two weeks ago. 

It’s been a tender time. 

I’ve witnessed a softening of John and sense an expansion of his heart.

I think about that someday should I be the one left.

My warrior. The one who has seen me at my best and also at my very worst.

Yet he has always stood by me.

I don’t need flowers. I never did.

All I ever needed was to be me.

And my warrior has loved me all the more for it.

Tears I hope to never have to shed should John die before me, but if that should be, I will do so with the deepest of love for the man who has walked beside me and loved me as who I am.

xo,

Barbara

Resource: https://meanings.crystalsandjewelry.com/apache-tear/

 

 

Who Is a Wild Woman, Really?

Posted by Barbara Techel
Who Is a Wild Woman, Really?
Card from Mystical Shaman Oracle Deck

Hanging my fall wreath on my writing cottage door this past weekend, I smiled at how the Wild Woman card I purposely enlarged this summer, was now so beautifully embraced within the wreath.

This time of year is one in which I enjoy going within more often and the comfort and cozy feeling I get as the days grow darker, the winds begin to blow and the leaves gently begin their cascade down to the earth….and this, this is part of being a Wild Woman who follows the instinct not only when I need to retreat, but to also emerge again when it is time.

It also spoke to me again of the importance of embracing our Wild Woman – whatever that looks like, and is, for you.

Wild Woman continues to speak to me and while she can be deep and introspective, she is funny, sings a lot in the kitchen lately, and speaks up more these days. I’m really digging her!

This morning I posted this photo on Facebook of Gidget waiting patiently at John’s feet just waiting for a morsel to drop as he made his lunch for work.

A friend commented , “A husband who makes his own lunch. Wow! Lucky girl!” 

How interesting, I thought, as it led me down a path of more thoughts.

At first I chuckled at the statement, then felt happy that yes, he does make his lunch, and then thought, why shouldn’t he make his own lunch?

Now this isn’t to say if someone enjoys making their spouses lunch, by all means, that is great!

But it triggered something within me. It was that part of me who used to think I had to do these things – that it was my responsibility. And if I didn’t, I was somehow a bad wife.

And oh how long it’s taken me to stand in my own power and not feel guilty when I’d hear a statement like this. Am I lucky? Perhaps. But then I think about my relationship with John and how it has grown deeper because of not only my willingness to step more fully into who I really am over the years and express my needs, but also John’s openness in listening and understanding.

Not that we always agree. But it takes a gentle and strong man to honor the Wild Woman that walks beside him, just as the Wild Woman honors the man who walks beside her. Is it always easy? Nope. 

But I come back again to a word that continues to be part of so much of my life now and that is awareness – awareness in tapping into what feels right for each of us, and not what may have been conditioned into us.

And so this Wild Woman continues to walk in awareness of what feels right for her soul, while deeply appreciating and hugging as often she can, the man who embraces all of who she is. So yup, then I say, I am indeed lucky! And so is John.  🙂

XO,

Barb