stillness

Silence and Stillness. Crucial to Living a Meaningful Life.

Posted November 5, 2015 by Barbara Techel

I ran across this quote this morning. It really spoke to me, especially as I continue to work on the fourth draft of my second memoir, Wisdom Found in the Pause.

This book, in part, about my paralyzed dachshund Joie and her short life with me ultimately led me to not wanting to write (or talk much) after she passed away. As someone who loved to write and share my passion about special needs dogs, this felt very odd and scary.

Taking a sabbatical from everything I had known and loved to do for the prior six years, from keeping up my blog, interacting with my audience on social media, writing books, and public speaking gigs for children and adults, to now plunge into what felt like nothingness felt like the scariest thing ever.

While it was true I was craving stillness, silence, and a slowing down, I was afraid to be with my own thoughts. I was afraid to hear and examine what I knew to be true – that I wanted to let go of a chapter in my life I had so enjoyed, which at the time really didn’t make sense. The scary part also was that I didn’t know where I wanted to go next.

And being in silence can seem daunting and overwhelming to face all those fears.

While I was very restless at the beginning of my sabbatical, oftentimes feeling like I wanted to jump right out of my own skin, I’m so glad I stuck with it.

It was in that silence and stillness that the gifts started to make themselves known…and where being in the presence of silence and making friends with it I could gain more clarity. Silence and stillness is now an ongoing practice in my life, even when I veer a bit far from it I hear that inner voice calling me back – to find balance.

I believe it is crucial to pay attention to it in order to live a meaningful life.

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The Guilt Gremlin

Posted August 13, 2015 by Barbara Techel

The guilt gremlin showed up this morning as I lingered in bed longer than usual.

He was doing everything in his power to get me up and out onto my daily walk.

But I didn’t want to budge.

“I’m not giving into you today” I said. “Why don’t you either go back to sleep or find someone else to pester.”

I’ve been going full tilt for a few weeks now with lots on my plate, mostly put there by me.

It’s been an interesting view for me as I find myself in this busy place, while at the same time working on my new book.

A book about Joie, my dachshund in a wheelchair who only lived for 10 months after I adopted her in 2012. And her gift to me to see and understand how important it is to incorporate stillness and quiet into my life when I need it.

So as I lay in bed this morning just wanting to soak in the gift of lingering to hear this battle going on inside my head was a reminder that I needed to pay attention.

A reminder that it’s okay to honor what I needed this morning and not fight it or try to push it away.

And a reminder to trust there is a reason and the reason being I needed to replenish a bit of my energy by just laying low a little longer before charging out into the world again.

To confirm all of this, once I got up, and headed to the kitchen, with Gidget on my heels, I saw Kylie lying at the front door, gazing out into the yard, content and at peace.

Reflecting back to me that just being sometimes is exactly what I need. The doing will get done. It always does.

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Writing a Book is Messy. Where I’m At.

Posted August 3, 2015 by Barbara Techel

I’ve heard this phrase three different times the last few weeks- “writing a book is messy.” Once in a blog post, once in a podcast and once in a webinar.

It’s exactly how I’ve felt since starting my second memoir, which I began in the winter of 2013. While there have been many rewarding moments writing it, most of the time it has been messy.

I’ve wanted to quit a thousand times.

I’ve had to learn to accept this- it has been a tug and pull much of the time. My two children’s books and my first memoir (for the most part) came much easier for me to write than this new book I’ve been working on.

A part of me wanted to share more of the process with you sooner, but the other part of me was, honestly, too afraid to say anything. Afraid I may disappoint others if I don’t finish this book.

But today I completed another round of editing of the third draft of “Wisdom Found in the Pause.” I’m feeling way more clarity about it than I have in a long time.

The book feels like two parts—the first part of my time with Joie, my second dog with IVDD and in a wheelchair, who I adopted from Oregon Dachshund Rescue. As many of you know, I had to help her cross over ten short months after she came into my life.

It threw me completely off. Though honestly, looking back, I realized I had been off for quite some time, but was too afraid to look at why.

The second part is that Joie’s death was my wake-up call to sit with all the uncomfortable feelings I had at the time. Joie’s gift while beautiful while she was here, and I got to love and care for her, her deeper gift came after she was gone.

It was then that I discovered a new definition of purpose that I’m much more comfortable with. I learned how to sit in stillness and silence. I learned to see transition as a necessary part of life.

The messy part of writing this book has been trying to convey my time of solitude which was a sabbatical for me, into a book others will want to read – but more than that – how it can help others.

But over the past three months, since devoting more time to working on the manuscript, I have more hope that his messy business of writing a book- this new book – may just turn into the real deal.

Lastly, I’ve had huge fears around the idea that this book will not be “as good as” my first memoir, Through Frankie’s Eyes. How do I top my journey with Frankie and how that book has touched many lives? That fear has stopped me in my tracks as I’ve worked through the trenches of my not-so-pretty, but real fears.

The fears are now beginning to subside. I see a journey that is still much the same, but evolving—a new way to touch other’s lives through this new book. I have hope…

and this is where I’m at.

Creativity is a crushing chore and a glorious mystery. –Elizabeth Gilbert, #BigMagic

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