I awoke in such a funk this morning! Ever have those? And I wasn’t quite sure why.
As the morning wore on, the angst I was feeling continued to grow, even though I still wasn’t sure what it was about.
Getting on my exercise bike, while listening to a podcast, I felt my anxiousness continue to grow. Especially when I noticed two lint pieces on the arm of the sofa, and the more I tried not to notice them, the more they bugged me. And right away my mind tried to convince me that something was “wrong” with me.
But soon enough I knew this was a clear signal that something was brewing below the surface and I knew I had to work with it. John and I have something we say when seemingly simple things become the object of a frustration, and we know better that it isn’t about that particular thing. We say “It isn’t about (fill in the blank)! In my case today I said, “it isn’t about the lint on the sofa!”
Once I was finished exercising I pulled up the Insight Timer meditation app on my ipad, feeling called to find a guided meditation. I knew I needed to work with my emotions, but that I also felt that what I really needed to do was surrender. I came across a lovely woman named Sarah Blondin who does the most beautiful guided meditations. The one I chose was “I Learn to Surrender.”
Listening to her soothing voice and beautiful poetry of words, the tears finally came near the end of the meditation. I felt I still needed a bit more inward time so chose another one of her meditations. This time, I listened to “Accepting Change.”
Afterwards I made my way out to my writing cottage and sat at my desk where I keep my oracle cards and journal. In my journal I wrote, “Dear Spirit, What is it I need to know about the frustration I’m feeling today?”
From Wisdom of the Oracle I pulled Observer in protection (reversal) — the essential meaning of this card is about perspective, objectivity, and neutral observation from a distance.
So what did that have to do with my frustration? Well, I knew right away it was guiding me to see that I was getting caught up in my head of trying to intellectually figure something out that can’t be dealt with in this way. I was also trying to control my feelings of frustration because I was feeling bad for having them.
Once again I had to remind myself that all emotions are part of being human. In order to release them, I must feel them. The observer in protection (reverse) was my extra nudge from Spirit to take the time and pay attention and work through all my feelings.
Just the awareness of this brought me relief. Asking Spirit for my next right action step I turned to the Spirit Animal Oracle deck and pulled Bobcat Spirit and the short message on the front that says, “Life is a mystery.”
Ain’t that the truth, I heard myself say. And the truth is that sometimes that mystery can feel so very distressing because we want control and we want an outcome we are wishing for that we think is best. I was reminded, once again, that I have to be okay with the unknown right now.
Not only do I need to again practice sitting in the observation of all my feelings about a certain situation I realized my angst is about, I also have to trust that either an answer will come at a later point, or it may not come at all. Even though that feels uncomfortable, I’m being called to sit with it.
Turning to the guidebook after journaling my understanding of the cards regarding my particular situation, I especially resonated with this line from Bobcat Spirit:
No matter what, Bobcat Spirit is a sign that you are being called to trust, even when what is revealed does not agree with your need for intellectual certainty.
What I do know now with certainty that after taking this time to focus inwardly is that I’m feeling much better, even though the situation hasn’t changed and there is still uncertainty – but my perspective shifted and from this place I’m feeling much more peaceful.
As I look at the observer card again noting fox on the card I’m sensing the message of how sly and clever our minds can be at deceiving us. But it’s dropping into our heart during challenging times and listening and just being, that we eventually find our way back to truth and understanding.
XO,
Barb
I’m offering a special price on my Oracle Guidance Readings if you are feeling stuck and need some support. I’d be honored to hold space and offer guidance. Click on graphic to learn more about my readings. P.S. Though special price is only good through December 21st, you can schedule your session for the New Year if you wish.
