childhood wound

What I’m Taking with Me Into 2020

 
It was in 2015 that I began to be nudged to acknowledge and honor my inner Child that was wounded. This nudge became more intense over the next three years until it came to a full head-on moment in the winter of 2018 when I felt like I wanted to die instead of dealing with the pain.
 
That journey – one of healing – is chronicled in my new memoir coming out in early 2020.
 
As I picked this oracle card this morning, I knew what I’d be taking with me into the New Year.
 
For as long as I can remember, and I’ve no doubt many of you can relate too, I was so afraid to make mistakes. What if I was wrong? What if I looked stupid? What if no one believed me?
 
But the more I listened to that part of me (my ego), the more my inner Child felt misunderstood and abandoned and the more she cried out for me to please lovingly and gently attend to her.
 
And so I take with me into 2020 what I’ve learned the past four years of deep inner work, loving that little girl within me, listening to her, acknowledging her, holding her, and most of all, finally believing her.
 
And it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes – as they are guiding posts to what we can change in our lives for the better – and it frees us from this endless and tireless drive to be perfect – which society will continue to try to put upon us – until more and more of us say no more.
 
As I’ve written in my memoir and truly believe…I Am a work in progress…we all are…and this means I will still make mistakes. But I take with me an evolved understanding that I have a choice to look at these moments as opportunities and course correct.
 
The more I love that inner child, the more I want to dance and twirl and allow more fun and spontaneity into my life and continue to be true to the heart of who I am.
 
xo,
Barbara
 
Card from: The Wild Offering Oracle by Tosha Silver

Special Celebrations!

You get one guess! Guess who is celebrating a birthday?  How did you know?  It’s true. Miss Gidget turned twelve this month.

The thing is, I don’t really know when her birthday is. Nor do I know her exact age. But from the records I received when I adopted her from a rescue five and a half years ago, this is the best guess.

In a newsletter I sent out earlier today it has a feature that shares wisdom from Gidget. She had this to say:  Happy 12th Birthday to me! My secret to life? Act like you are still two years old! One of my nicknames is “fidgety gidgety” as I sometimes tend to not sit still. But I also have my quiet moments. So my words of wisdom to you? Be still and squiggle too!

She appears to be smiling in this photo, don’t you think? I do and it makes my heart happy. Gidget has more than earned that smile. We have traveled quite the journey together of what at times has felt like more downs than ups. 

But of late, the rewards reaped from doing my personal inner work healing a childhood wound has resulted not only in more peace within me but Gidget too. I’ll be sharing that journey in my next memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am. 

As has been the case with every dog I’ve been blessed to share my life with, Gidget was a reflection I needed at this time in my life that had me going through what is sometimes defined as a “dark night of the soul.”

It feels incredibly good to be on the other side of the darkness. Looking at this photo of Gidget I see and feel a lightness about her. It is definitely a reflection for me also.

What a dog of depth she is, though sweet and silly too. I often think about how I began calling her my Buddha dog when she first came to live with me and John in 2013. She has been the most beautiful beacon of light to my soul that felt lost for so long.

So… Happy Birthday dear Gidget! You wear the princess crown well. You are a dog of grace and wisdom and I’m so grateful for the unconditional love and sacred space you’ve held for me. xoxoxoxo

Speaking of celebrations!….there is more!

Yesterday afternoon John and I attended a special celebration in honor of this 90-year young lady! Many moons ago (25 years!) I worked with Marilyn at Kohl’s Dept store. She worked in the lingerie department. She was so meticulous with the many “unmentionables!”  She took great pride in keeping all the bras and panties neat as a pin on the clothing racks. I don’t know how she did it! Such patience she had. Many of us fondly called her the “Bra Lady.” For her retirement party, I still remember the “boob” cake with the adorning lace bra. It was quite the hit! It was an honor to celebrate her then as it was yesterday.

She loved the top I had on and especially loved the sleeves. I told her they are my angel wings. After I saw this photo of her and me, I was struck by the “angel wing” across her.  When we had arrived, Marilyn greeted John and me away from the other guests to tell us she is dealing with a cancer diagnosis that has no cure. 

Seeing this “angel wing” draped across her it’s my hope that angel wings indeed will be her guide and at her side, for however long she continues to be with us. Her spirit and attitude is nothing short of amazing. I have no doubt that has been her secret to reaching 90. 

The highlights of life that make the journey so worth it!

XO,

Barbara

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