I’m Fine Just the Way I Am

Remembering Friend Marie and Reflecting on Her Message to March Forth

It was one year ago that I was moving through the grief of my dear friend, Marie. She was 72 years old. I fondly referred to her as Miss Marie. I’d known her for about six years, but in that time she had a significant impact on my life.

A big fan of the author and illustrator, Tasha Tudor for many years now, Marie reminded me of her in many ways. Many, including myself, considered Tasha eccentric in her way of living. She dressed in wool frocks, a scarf upon her head, and a shawl often around her shoulders. She didn’t believe in hurry yet accomplished much in her 92 years of life.

While Marie didn’t dress in wool frocks, she certainly had an eclectic flair, and she too an artist, she definitely lived to the beat of her own drum. It was something I deeply admired about her and what drew me to her like a magnet. And once we became friends, I soaked up all the wisdom I could from her.

I’m thinking of Marie today, March 4th, and the day we often associate with progress day. This day also the day of Marie’s funeral one year ago. I still recall how I awoke that day with a heart still heavy and missing her so much. As I shuffled into the kitchen I glanced at the calendar noting the day. I then glanced at the altar I’d made on my kitchen table with my favorite photo of Marie holding my dog, Gidget. 

I was swimming in sadness staring at the photo when I heard, “March forth.” It was Marie’s voice. I knew she was encouraging me to get on with life. It was just like her as that was the way she was in life. Though she suffered from depression, she was always encouraging me to make the best of life.

I devote a chapter in my latest memoir to her because she was an important part of my healing journey. 

Looking through photos of her to share here on my blog I felt the grief bubble up within me again. I tried to hold the tears back at first, but then recalled the words I’d just heard yesterday listening to a speaker on the Animal Wisdom World Summit. They came from Hanna Bracken, an animal communicator, and she said,  “Our strength comes in our dignity to shed our tears.” 

And so I let it out.

I then reflected on a post I saw on Facebook yesterday from fellow children’s book author and Wisconsinite, JoAnn Early Macken and her post that said, “It’s March Forth, the date I intentionally misspell every year to mean forward motion, not just a number. I’m reminding you now so you can take time to reflect on where you’ve gone (Hooray for you!), where you are now (Count your blessings!), and where you want to go (Luck, luck, luck!).”

And I think of my friend, Miss Marie. This is how we march forth by releasing the grief and pain when it comes and honoring it for reminding us that they are vital in understanding life. While I’ll always miss her, I have learned to be with her in a new way. And I want her to know that I have marched forth carrying her wisdom within my heart each step of the way.

xo,

Barbara

 

 

My New Book, “I’m Fine Just the Way I Am” is Now Available to Order with Bonus Gifts (limited time)

I’m so excited to share with you that my new memoir, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am – Healing Emotional Pain through the Wisdom of Animals and Oracles is now available to order! 
 
The official launch date is April 22, 2020, but I’m offering this limited window of opportunity between now and then for you to order a copy of my book which includes bonus gifts (ordering and details below).
 
The thought to write another book happened one morning two years ago driving down a country road. It flashed quite quickly across my mind but then as quickly I tucked it away.
 
At the time, I was deep in the muck of going through a dark time and finding it difficult to cope with taking care of my special needs dog, Gidget.
 
I had no idea at that point how things were going to unfold, but somewhere in the deepest part of my heart, I thought maybe, just maybe, my story could help other women.
 
A few weeks later during an animal reading with friend and animal communicator, Dawn Brunke, I’d learn that Gidget was fine just as she was despite her health issues even though I was feeling challenged by it all. Her invitation to me was to see subtle perspectives I wasn’t considering and to see life sideways.
 
She also encouraged me to understand inner focus and details and how she really wanted me to get this. She said it was her final teaching to me.
 
While I didn’t at first fully grasp what she meant by seeing life sideways, I was open to exploring what insight this could bring me.
 
During that reading, Dawn also mentioned that perhaps I’d write a book about this someday even though she hadn’t known I’d just had that thought two weeks before.
 
She said that maybe a great title would be I’m Fine Just the Way I Am.
 
I still recall how my hand immediately flew to rest upon my heart. It struck a chord deep within me. Though, I wouldn’t know the full extent of its meaning until I embarked on the deep inner work that I was being called to do.

Little did I know I’d be taken on a journey to explore a significant and painful recurring vision that has plagued me for over two decades.
 
I wanted more than anything to be the best I could be for Gidget and also for myself. I was so very tired of suffering and the endless inward berating I’d done to myself for years.
 
After that reading with Gidget, I’d embark on an inward journey and employ a myriad of tools — each serving as a building block to self-knowledge and healing. 

  • I learned to trust my intuition and trust in the process.
  • I learned to dance with the wisdom of not only my dog, Gidget, but with a snake, a wolf and a horse. Each had a poignant message to help me heal different parts of myself.
  • I gained insight I’d not have considered by incorporating oracle cards and identified patterns that no longer served me. I also discovered ways in which I could course-correct when I fell into old patterning and repeated my never-ending story.
  • I paid attention to my dreams and worked with a dream analyst to understand how my dreams were guiding me to believe in the wounded little girl within me.
  • I incorporated the power of forgiveness and ceremonial work.
  • I accepted help from others who were beacons of light guiding me to listen to those parts of myself that felt shame and guilt.
  • I took part in life-enhancing breath work that took me to feeling the core of my wounding and healed me on a level of understanding that I was never alone, always loved, and most importantly, that I was worthy.

I’d come to understand that the turmoil in my life wasn’t happening to me, but rather for me.
 
All of this was integral in helping me transform my pain and accept it both as a gift and the path I was meant to walk in order to finally understand that I’m worthy just as I am
 
Bonus gifts included with pre-orders (until 4/21/20): 

  • Animals as Oracles – Oracle cards and messages from four of the animals I write about in the book that helped guide me in profound and powerful ways. This is a PDF that you can print and cut out the photo of each animal and use them as oracle cards if you wish. Plus pages to journal your thoughts on what each animal is personally offering to you to help guide you.
  • An inspirational 5 x 7 graphic to encourage you to embrace your worthiness and know that you too, are fine just the way you are. This is a PDF you can print, cut out, and put in a favorite frame. Place it where you will see it every day to remind you that you are worthy just as you are…and that you matter.
  • Coupon with a special discount toward one oracle reading and guidance session with me.
  • Special drawing: Your name will be entered in for a chance to win one of five oracle reading and guidance sessions I’ll be giving away.

**After you’ve placed your book order send an email to Imfinebookgifts@gmail.com with your name and order # for your bonus gifts.

Please note that bonus gifts will be emailed on or around April 22, 2020, along with notification of winners of the five oracle reading giveaways.

In closing… to my Gidge girl, I can never thank you enough for being you and walking so lovingly beside me. I miss you. But I’m so honored to carry you in my heart and the beautiful teaching you instilled within me.

xo,

Barbara

P.S. The e-book version will be available sometime in May.

A Fresh New Start in My Writing Cottage

I woke up Sunday morning with the niggle to clean up my writing cottage. So I spent the day decluttering, dusting, re-arranging, discarding and sweeping. I could hardly wait to come out to my writing cottage Monday morning as the new, refreshing energy was calling to me.

Walking through the door I was giddy with the light and airy feeling that embraced me. I just sat in my chair and took a moment to slowly look all around the room. It felt like I was floating on a feather that was ever so gently drifting in the wind.

I thought about how my latest book is complete. I have a clean slate and another opportunity at a fresh new start.

Looking at my altar(the photo above) which takes on different objects throughout the seasons, I thought about Gidget. In May it will be one year since she moved on. Her photo had been on my altar since then. I can’t tell you how often I looked at it, talked to her, and stroked the body and ears of the photo.

I also knew yesterday as I cleaned and re-arranged that it was time to move her from the altar. My altar—a space where I go for my inward work— pulling oracle cards, journaling my thoughts, connecting with my heart, and one that supports my continued healing journey.

While there are times I still miss her physical presence these last nine months have also been filled with what I find so difficult to put into words— it’s been a time of what I can only describe as a deepening of my love and gratitude for her and how she walked so very lovingly beside me as I went through a very dark time.

I’ve often said, and will continue to say because it’s what I believe, is that we are all a work in progress and we are always in some phase of healing. Gidget’s teaching continues to be such a blessing and I’ve found myself expanding on it even though she is gone. I welcome being in this new space of relationship with her. I feel also like I’ve moved into a new space of healing and why I felt called to move her photo from the altar. 

I placed the photo on my writing desk and to the right of my computer. This feels symbolic to me. She was the one that patiently and with such devotion stood by me through it all – knowing and believing I could find my way out of the darkness. She is the one that helped me finally accept that I am worthy – just as I am. I know and feel this now.

Having her photo on my desk where I can see her and she is looking back at me is a nod to her wise, healer self, and her beautiful teaching to me that I’ve learned to embody that says, this is me and I’m Fine Just the Way I Am.

My writing cottage has a fresh new start, my heart one too, and my relationship with Gidget that continues to evolve and is my beacon of guiding light I feel so remarkably blessed to have.

xo,

Barbara