Spirit was having fun with me this week! I have no idea why there are over 13 minutes of dark space at the end of my video this week. So heads up the reading portion is only 13 minutes long in total – not almost 27 minutes as it shows. The funny thing is a teacher I listen to had a similar thing happen to her recently – but her dark space was at the beginning of her video!
Last week I connected with a lovely lady from Holland. It was Owl totem that brought us together and it was magical. Owl represents for me listening to our wise inner self.
That nourishing and uplifting call inspired me to use a deck of cards I don’t often use for this week’s reading.
I hope you will enjoy it! XO, Barb
Click here or on the graphic below to hear this week’s message!
Helping others connect more deeply to themselves and the animal kingdom is my labor of love. If you love what I’m doing and my work has impacted you in a beneficial way I hope you’ll consider supporting me. So grateful!
While eggs boiled on my stove earlier this afternoon, I watched out my kitchen window as a mom and her little girl walked down the street toward the park. Even though it’s a blustery and chilly day, the little girl didn’t seem to notice.
The mom stopped to take her hands out of her pocket and draw in the strings on her hood tighter, while the little girl skipped and bounced happily ahead. I noticed then that the mom was carrying a large clear plastic bag and the little girl was picking up litter and putting it inside the bag.
I thought about how that little girl not affected by the cold was also perhaps not likely as deeply affected by the happenings in our world as she took delight in what she was doing.
My heart then burst open for the sheer joy she was exuding as well as wanting more than anything for her little heart to never experience pain or sorrow.
And as I watched her it came to me once again that we can make a choice to live with joy in any given moment just like that little girl picking up trash and no matter what is transpiring in the world around us.
As I searched for a photo of a little girl skipping to share with this post I couldn’t find one. This led me to wonder if I had a photo of myself as a little girl skipping. While I found many happy pictures of me, I didn’t find this particular one.
But I did see this one of me at six months old. Looking at the photo of myself I felt that same burst in my heart and tears filled my eyes.
In my book, I’m Fine Just the Way I Am I share the experience I had in the winter of 2018 when I had a healing session with a transformational breathwork practitioner. As the session was winding down and I was in resting mode I saw in my mind’s eye myself at six months old. It was in that moment I felt this surge of loving energy wrap itself around me and I knew without a doubt that I’d always been loved and that I was worthy just as I was.
All the doubts and fear I’d carried with me for fifty-some years had melted away in an instant at that moment. I never felt so safe or protected. It’s not that my parents didn’t care for me and love me, as they did, and I’m very blessed in that way.
But it was the experience of my childhood wounding from being touched inappropriately as a young girl that took that away from me. It instilled within me this shame and pain and feeling of unworthiness that followed me throughout my life.
As I’ve done the inner work over the years to heal that wound one of the gifts I believe from it is that it has helped me to be the optimistic person I am today. Despite that wounding experience, I made the choice to find joy where I could and try to look for the positive in many situations.
And that little girl bouncing down the road was a reflection of me and of all of us, really. We have all experienced some degree of pain in our lives and it is just part of this human experience. Though I’d love for that little girl I saw to not feel heartache or pain in her life, I know that it isn’t possible.
But what I would tell her is that she can still make the choice to thrive and find joy no matter what.
It was in 2015 that I began to be nudged to acknowledge and honor my inner Child that was wounded. This nudge became more intense over the next three years until it came to a full head-on moment in the winter of 2018 when I felt like I wanted to die instead of dealing with the pain.
That journey – one of healing – is chronicled in my new memoir coming out in early 2020.
As I picked this oracle card this morning, I knew what I’d be taking with me into the New Year.
For as long as I can remember, and I’ve no doubt many of you can relate too, I was so afraid to make mistakes. What if I was wrong? What if I looked stupid? What if no one believed me?
But the more I listened to that part of me (my ego), the more my inner Child felt misunderstood and abandoned and the more she cried out for me to please lovingly and gently attend to her.
And so I take with me into 2020 what I’ve learned the past four years of deep inner work, loving that little girl within me, listening to her, acknowledging her, holding her, and most of all, finally believing her.
And it’s perfectly okay to make mistakes – as they are guiding posts to what we can change in our lives for the better – and it frees us from this endless and tireless drive to be perfect – which society will continue to try to put upon us – until more and more of us say no more.
As I’ve written in my memoir and truly believe…I Am a work in progress…we all are…and this means I will still make mistakes. But I take with me an evolved understanding that I have a choice to look at these moments as opportunities and course correct.
The more I love that inner child, the more I want to dance and twirl and allow more fun and spontaneity into my life and continue to be true to the heart of who I am.
xo,
Barbara
Card from: The Wild Offering Oracle by Tosha Silver
